


Show 'Em You Won't Give Up

by Scrcndpty



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, BAMF Reader, F/M, Feels, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Reader-Insert, Swearing, Torture, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2019-02-07 05:31:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 25,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12834339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scrcndpty/pseuds/Scrcndpty
Summary: You supported Steve in what he tried to achieve. He wanted to help his country so bad, you admired his courage and patriotism, but to be honest you just supported him because you knew he got rejected every time. Steve shouldn’t be your next (and last) friend going off to war.Though the smile on Steve’s face told you everything you had to know as he returned to you only thirteen minutes later. He held you, as the dam holding your tears back finally broke, smearing mascara over your cheeks and dampening the fabric resting on his shoulder.You aren’t the average woman of the 40′s, but Steve adores you nevertheless. He isn’t the average man of the 40′s, but you love him nevertheless as well. After seventy years in ice and no information about your whereabouts after he left for war, he didn’t think he would see you again.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I posted the last four chapters of this in one go, as a sequel to the first one, on tumblr - having 'Show 'Em You Won't Give Up' a word count of over 5,000 and its sequel 'At Least We Are Together' a word count of over 19,000.
> 
> Well, enjoy!

You were ten years old when you saw this other guy, maybe a few years older than you, getting his ass handed to himself. Did he start the fight? No. Did he do something to deserve to be attacked? No. He simply had something they wanted he wasn’t willing to give.

You didn’t know what to do when you witnessed this scene from afar. It was the first time you saw something like this and even though you felt the urge to do _something,_ you didn’t act on it. You waited, watched how this skinny guy got beaten and while you felt somehow disgusted about yourself for not doing something, you couldn’t help but marvel at how the tiny boy stood up again and again after he got pushed to the ground. Dirt was on his already ragged clothes and his blonde hair, but his clear blue eyes shone brightly and the fire in them got even fiercer the longer he fought.

By now the boy had more trouble standing up again, he didn’t even fully scramble to his knees when they pushed him down again, face first into the ground. But before they could do more, one of them was thrown backwards. It startled you, you hadn’t realized that one more boy appeared, seemingly to save the blonde guy.

It didn’t take long for the new guy to disperse the bullies, to put the tiny guy back on his feet and -

“Y/N!”

Your mother shouted for you, standing at the entrance of a shop she just had visited. You turned around, away from the scene of the brunette boy scolding the blonde one for getting into a fight again. A sigh escaped your mother’s lips as she saw you sitting on the curb, streaks of dust on your cheeks as you had stroked with dirty hands over them.

“Sweetheart, I told you so many times not to sit on the ground!” your mother scolded you and wiped the dirt off of your dress meagerly. “Your father got this dress for you just yesterday, be careful with it!”

“I’m sorry,” you apologized as your mother damped a napkin and cleaned your face.

Sighing she put the napkin away and smiled. “It’s okay, sweetheart. One day you’ll be a fine lady, thinking back to these days when you were as worse as your own children.”

You didn’t told her that you didn’t want to be a fine lady nor did you want to have children. You just nodded and smiled, took the hand your mother offered you and followed her to the next shop to complete her purchase. With one last glance over your shoulder you saw the two boys going their own way and for one second e/y eyes met blazing blue ones.

Fiddling with an already forming tiny hole in your dress, you promised yourself something: Next time you would witness a scene like this, you would do something. Didn’t matter if you got scolded for getting your dress dirty (you didn’t like them so much anyway) or dust on your face.

Two weeks later you learned that the blonde guy’s name was Steve and his friend was called Bucky. Until then you rarely came back home without having any trace of dirt on you. Your mother somehow gave up scolding you for that anymore.

 

* * *

 

It was hot and stuffy. You had liked to step backwards as soon as you stepped in, but you couldn’t.

“I know it is so much to ask, but I’m so grateful you can help!” Sarah said, hurriedly putting her shoes on.

“It’s no problem, Mrs Rogers,” said Bucky as you nodded along.

“Totally,” you reassured as well and Sarah got a relieved smile on her face.

“Steve can be so glad to have friends like you both,” she said and grabbed her bag and coat. “There’s some apple pie left, please grab some when you feel like it. Oh, and let some fresh air in!” With her last words she closed the door quickly to get to her work place. Bucky and you both knew she worked her ass off to get Steve and herself through, and you both wanted to help as much as you could.

It was quiet now until low coughing could be heard out of one of the few rooms in the apartment. After making your way over to the room, you pushed the door open and stepped into the dimly lit room.

Steve’s room was even more stuffy and hot, so Bucky let the door open. Later there could come some fresh air in when you would open the windows of the apartment.

“B-Buck.”

A smile formed on Bucky’s face as Steve called his name, but it vanished quickly when another coughing fit racked through Steve’s fragile body. He was young and already this ill.

You stepped near his bed and laid a cool hand upon his hot one. Steve slightly flinched at the contact, but soon gripped your fingers tightly.

“You shouldn’t have come,” Steve said silently, his voice was barely audible. “I’ll get you both ill as well.”

Bucky shook his head strongly and laughed quietly. “We won’t get ill, Steve. Who else cares for you when your mother isn’t home?”

Steve breathed heavily, but smiled. Reaching for a glass of water on his nightstand, you got a hold of it as Bucky helped Steve to sit up. You raised the glass to his dry lips and Steve took some tiny sips before he coughed again and let himself sink back into his pillows.

“S-Seriously, guys, you don’t have t-to come again and again.”

“Don’t talk shit, Steve.”

“L-language,” pressed Steve out and coughed again. You giggled.

“I’m not kidding,” you explained, “we’re there for you, no matter what.”

“‘Til the end of the line,” added Bucky. Steve smiled and closed his eyes tiredly for a moment. You squeezed his hand a last time before letting go and standing up.

“Okay, your mom said there is apple pie waiting for us in the kitchen. I’ll get us food, let some fresh air in and then you’re getting better so we can go out again. Deal? Deal!”

You skipped out of the room and Steve glimpsed at Bucky, who had an amused face, smiling down at his friend.

“You better do what she says, pal. You know she can get pretty scary.”

“I know,” replied Steve. “But that’s a thing I like about her.”

Bucky smiled knowingly.

 

* * *

 

“What about her?”

“N-no, not really.”

“Okay.” Tapping a finger on your chin you continued looking around in the small diner. “And this one?”

“No, she looks like a mean bitch.”

“Hui, language, Stevie,” you jokingly scolded and laughed. “But you’re right. She _fucking is_ a mean bitch. Wouldn’t appreciate you in the right way.”

Steve sighed. “Look, Y/N, _I_ appreciate you and your attempt to find me a woman to dance with, but let’s be honest: not a single one of them would like to dance with a guy like me.”

“Do not say something like this, Steve. Be happy I’m the only one who heard this and not Bucky; he’d get you a dozen women to prove you wrong.”

“Yeah, and as soon as they see me they will turn on their heel.”

You groaned and pulled Steve to you, embracing him in your arms. “Stevie!” you whined. “Why do you keep saying such things? You’re too hard on yourself.”

Steve wanted to answer, really. But he was busy ignoring how you squished him against your (dare he say really soft) breasts.

Totally unaware that you had been one the brink of sending Steve into his first heart attack, you released him from your arms and he could sit properly again, trying to calm his deep red and hot face.

“Oh!” you suddenly exclaimed, back straightening and hands landing on the table with a bang. “ _This one_ is a cutie!”

Steve followed the direction your finger pointed in and saw a petite woman, brown short locks framing her round face, green eyes sparkling, red lips curled into a small smile as she chatted with her friends. Her red dress hugged her body in all the right places.

However, Steve averted his gaze quickly to look back at you. “No, not really.”

“What the hell?” you gaped at him, eyes widening. “This girl is gorgeous! Totally cute! She’s even as small as you!”

Steve snorted. “Yeah, whatever.”

You groaned again, burying your face in your hands. Therefore you missed the longing gaze Steve shot you, trying his hardest to finally gain the courage to ask you to dance. You were his friend; of course you’d say yes. But he wanted to dance with you as more than a friend and he already tried so many times to ask you. Instead he cast his eyes down at his hands, smiling sadly as a quiet laugh escaped your lips and you laid your head on his shoulder.

 

* * *

 

How many years passed since the last time you saw him getting beaten up without Bucky in near distance? Over six. In these six years, where you befriended him and Bucky, you saw them fighting pretty often, joining in so many times you already couldn’t count them anymore. Nevertheless, this time it was somehow different. Bucky wasn’t there, you knew he tried to enlist in exactly this moment.

The two guys had pushed him to the ground again. Squinting his eyes because of the dirt in them, Steve licked over his dry and swollen lips, tasting blood. He literally could feel how a bruise formed around his right eye, but he refused to give up.

“Why do you stand up again and again?” asked the bully, pushing Steve to the ground again, annoyed about his persistence.

“I can do this all day.”

His own personal bully snorted and drew his arm back to punch. Steve raised his hands to protect his face, but it wasn’t necessary.

“That’s enough.”

Your voice was deathly cold as you absorbed the punch without any problems. With your other arm you shoved Steve behind you, blocking the sight of the bully on him.

Steve was relieved but at the same time pissed. It wasn’t the first time you or Bucky came to his aid, doing the one thing he couldn’t: punching back effectively. Even though you were a girl and only seen as an other victim at the beginning, Steve’s bullies had learned quickly that you were perfectly capable of fighting back, having gained enough knowledge and strength.

Twisting the arm back you had a hold on, you pushed the guy forward and away from yourself and Steve.

“Come back again and I’ll do more than absorbing some limply punches!” you yelled, watching the bullies running away. “Isn’t it embarrassing getting chased away from a girl? Little pissers.”

“Y/N.”

Whirling around, you looked down at Steve and let a weak smile slip on your face. “Steve, I’m so sorry.”

Steve looked at you, concern was etched into his features, but also … anger.

“Why do you keep getting yourself in danger for me? Bucky isn’t here, what if something had happened you couldn’t have handled? I had everything under control, no need to get into fights.”

“God, Steve, shut the fuck up.”

Steve became silent immediately, suppressing the “Language!” lying on his tongue.

“This isn’t dangerous. Those little fuckers are weak.”

Your eyes widened as Steve’s face fell. “No, no, no! I didn’t mean it like this! Steve, you definitely aren’t weak!”

This time Steve gifted you with a wary face.

“Okay, I mean, physically your strength is not _this_ good. Otherwise you are one of the strongest persons I know. You stand up again and again, you keep fighting and don’t let yourself getting down. ‘Cause even if the don’t like it, show ‘em -”

“You won’t give up,” Steve finished and smiled. “You said that a lot in the past years.”

You laughed. “Yeah, I mean, when Bucky can have a ‘pearl of wisdom’, I can have one as well.” Grinning, you took Steve’s hand and dragged him towards the way of Bucky’s apartment. “Let’s patch you up. And when Bucky comes back we can tell him about our glorious fight!”

 

* * *

 

“Holy shit,” you whispered, swallowing visibly.

“What is it?” asked Steve and looked up to you.

“Bucky looks _hot!”_ Blushing at your own remark, you grinned nervously as you eyed your best friend in his new uniform. “Didn’t think boys in uniform look this fucking good. Do you see his hat? I really want to move it onto his head properly, but at the same time it makes him look so cute.”

Steve saw red. Without thinking about it, he blurted, “Do you have a crush on him or what?”

You erupted into laughter. “What the hell, Steve! As if I would develop a crush on Bucky, he’s my best friend!” Swiping a non-existent tear from your eye, you left Steve’s side to approach Bucky and pulled him into a hug.

“You look handsome, Buck!”

A pang of jealousy shot through Steve’s body. “I’d wear a thousand uniform _and_ go into war for you,” he whispered to no one in particular and went to see his friend as well.

Bucky grinned at you, stepped back and swooped the hat off of his head to bow mockingly. His eyes rested on Steve as he stood next to you and his grin only got bigger. Before he stood straight again and put the hat back on, you already had snatched it out of his hand and put on your own h/c locks.

“Yes, it’s me,” you said, “Sergeant Y/N L/N, 107th Infantry and I would totally look hot in an uniform as well.”

Bucky laughed. “You think I look hot?” he asked.

“Oh, don’t get too full on yourself, Barnes!” you said, took the hat off and laid it upon Steve’s head, “Literally everyone would look good in uniform. Especially this cutie.”

You bit your lip, smiling, and Steve blushed deeply. He ripped the hat off of his head nervously and gave it back to Bucky with shaking hands, who had this knowing grin on his face Steve had seen so many times over the past few years. Bucky took the hat without a word, put it back on his head and pulled his two friends on each of his side.

“Okay, Bucky, you said you have plans for your last day before shipping?” you asked him and turned your head to look at him.

Bucky shot you one of his charming smiles. “You heard of Stark Expo? Great event, going to be even greater with the three of us and the two beautiful dames I got for me and the punk.”

Your smile got stressed, but you tried to overplay it. “Awesome! Steve deserves a woman who loves him for what he is. I really hope this won’t end by only one date.”

Bucky sensed your distress, but he simply smiled. After all this was a reaction he had hoped for. The same went for Steve, who had a panicked look on his face, this time grateful for his lack of height so he were hidden by Bucky’s form between you and him. But when the three of you had reached your own apartment and you vanished into your room to change and get ready for the evening, he nearly jumped at Bucky to claw his face off.

“Why did you get us dates?!”

“Steve, relax. Everything’s going to be fine.”

“Fine? Fine?” Steve asked hurriedly and in a hushed voice. “She said, and I’ll quote, ‘I really hope this won’t end by only one date’. Leaving aside the facts that, first, this girl will end up with her friend in your arms anyway, that, two, it is absolutely idiotic to invite her _and_ two dates, she now thinks -”

“Hey! Guys!”

You had emerged from your room, two dresses in each hand. “I fished out my two best dresses and you have to help me decide. This,” You held up a plain red dress with long sleeves, “or this.” In your other hand was a black dress with little white polka dots, short sleeves and a white bow on the left side of the waistband.

“You know, I usually don’t like this whole dolling up and so on, I only wear dresses because women have to do it, but it is Bucky’s last day before shipping and I thought this time I should be the average woman I’m supposed to be.”

You smiled at the end of your talk at Steve and Bucky. “So, which one?”

“The black one,” said both men in unison.

“Okay, that’s unmistakable. Thanks, boys.”

As you had left the room again, Steve had the hard stare set on Bucky again. Bucky rolled his eyes.

“Steve, I’ll say it again: relax. I saw her reaction when I mentioned the dates; she won’t be happy at all when this should really go well. And this won’t go well because you’re in love with Y/N for years now.”

“Not this loud,” hissed Steve and stared Bucky down again. “She’ll hear you!”

“Hopefully. Then she’d surely make a move and didn’t have to wait ‘til you get your shit together.”

“Buck!”

 

* * *

 

The two girls Bucky got as dates stood at the entrance of Stark Expo, perfectly dolled up, cute giggles leaving their lips as they saw Bucky and waved at him.

“Ladies!” Bucky greeted them each with a hug, smiling widely at them. “This are Steve,” the blonde smiled shyly at them, they smiled politely back, but otherwise payed no more attention to him (he hadn’t expected anything more or less), “and our childhood friend Y/N. Steve, Y/N, these are Connie and Bonnie.”

Even though from this on both girls swooned all over Bucky and occupied him to the fullest, you enjoyed the time you had with Steve. You explained to him everything he couldn’t see when people standing before him where too tall, you made sure he didn’t get lost in this crowd of people and you accompanied him when he chose to enlist - again.

“You sure about this?”

“You asked me this all the times before, my answer isn’t going to change.”

You nodded. “Of course.”

Steve stepped forward and into the building, you following him. His gaze directly fell on this mirror, where you could see yourself as a soldier. He moved to stand on the small pedestal, but even his hairline was barely visible.

“They won’t accept me, like every time,” he said, now standing on his tiptoes. His eyes could be seen, but it still was not enough. He sighed and closed his eyes.

In the next moment he was lifted into the air, the sudden movement causing him to glance into the mirror again when he opened his eyes, now able to see his full face. You had snaked your arms around his waist to hold him up.

“Yup, totally hot in uniform.”

Steve smiled sadly, casting his eyes down as he heard mocking laughter from behind. You gently put him down and stared at the group of young men who laughed at you both. They just laughed as they caught your gaze and kept to themselves again.

“Hey, what are you both up to?”

Turning your head again, you saw Bucky standing a few feet away, smirk evident on his face.

“Hi, Buck.”

Steve stepped down from the pedestal, now being next to you as Bucky went to stand in front of you both.

“You really are trying to enlist again? Leaving me and the girls alone and dragging Y/N with you?”

“You seemed to do just fine,” Steve retorted, “and I didn’t want Y/N to be the fifth wheel in your trio.”

Bucky sighed. “This isn’t what you imagined as a last evening, right?”

“Not really,” you answered, “but it is okay, don’t worry. Do your thing, Bucky.”

Bucky looked somehow wary, but then he smiled again. “We’ll continue this when I get back, okay? This time only the three of us.”

You forced a smile on your face, but the corner of your lips just wouldn’t want to turn upright. Taking in a sharp breath, you pulled Bucky into a tight hug.

“Don’t you dare die out there, or I come and kick you into your fine ass so hard you’ll fly straight into the depths of hell.”

Bucky chuckled and rubbed your back until you pulled away so he could turn to Steve.

“Don’t get yourself into too much trouble,” he said to the blonde, “Y/N needs someone to watch her, too.”

You let out a snort, eyes glossy from the tears in your eyes you desperately held back.

“She is perfectly capable of taking care of herself,” Steve answered. “She’s more the one watching me.”

Bucky laid his hand on Steve’s shoulder, squeezing it tightly. “Just keep an eye on each other, alright? And no more trying to enlist after this, I really don’t want to know which name you prepared for this time, punk.”

“You can’t keep me from trying, idiot, I refuse to sit at home when I can help my country. Don’t win the war before I get there to kick some ass.”

“I will miss you both, too.” Bucky saluted to Steve as he stepped backwards to return to his date, winking at you one last time.

“Steve?”

“Yes?”

“Can we sit for a while? Before you ... before you go to enlist?”

It was silent after you both had seated yourself on a nearby bench. You sat close to Steve, wanting to sense his presence. Many men passed you both, sometimes even nurses. You still fought with you tears in your eyes, but you addressed Steve anyway.

“Do you think I’m beautiful? As a woman?”

Your voice was so quiet, Steve nearly missed that you called out to him. He frowned when he had processed the question.

“Yes, of course, why do you asked?”

You shrugged. “Dunno. I realized that I was never asked to dance by another man. I mean I’m not really good at dancing, but it made me wonder.”

Steve nodded, but you didn’t look at him. Your eyes followed a young man with a big smile on his face, who returned to his family, telling them, he got accepted.

“The two girls Bucky brought ... I heard them talking,” you spoke up again. “Said that I’m not really a woman, no man would want to be with me when I look like I could rather fucking lift an oven than bake pie in it.”

You dryly chuckled and Steve looked at you, seeing that you had laid your hands on both upper arms, crossing them in front of your chest. He saw defined muscles bulging under your fingertips.

Reaching out, he touched your hand and arm close to him, making you returning his gaze. “You’re beautiful, Y/N. Beautiful _and_ strong. Any man could be happy to have an independent woman like you at his side.”

You smiled brightly at him as you sniffled and closed your fingers around Steve’s. “Thanks, Stevie.”

He smiled back and retrieved his hand as he stood. “Gonna go try my luck now. Maybe I can give you a real me in a soldier’s uniform next time.”

“Can’t wait to see that,” you said. “Show ‘em you won’t give up!” A weak smile appeared on your face as Steve turned and vanished somewhere out of your sight.

You supported Steve in what he tried to achieve. He wanted to help his country so bad, you admired his courage and patriotism, but to be honest you just supported him because you knew he got rejected every time. Steve shouldn’t be your next (and last) friend going off to war.

Though the smile on Steve’s face told you everything you had to know as he returned to you only thirteen minutes later. He held you, as the dam holding your tears back finally broke, smearing mascara over your cheeks and dampening the fabric resting on his shoulder.

 

* * *

 

The night before Steve were shipped out, he awoke out of his light sleep as he heard knocking on his door. Rubbing his eyes sleepily he went to open the door, getting wide awake when he recognized you were standing on the other side.

“Hey, Steve, I know it is late, but can I come in?”

“Y-yeah, come in.”

You smiled nervously as you stepped in and waited for Steve to close the door behind you.

“I’m sorry if I woke you up,” you said, “I just wanted to ask a favor.”

“It is no problem. What is it?”

“Is it okay if we’d spend the night together? I,” you swallowed visibly, “I don’t want to see you tomorrow for only ten minutes or so.”

You had slept countless nights together, you, Steve and Bucky, however, Steve’s cheeks turned to a soft pink at your request. Instead of a verbal answer, he took your hand in his and led you to his bedroom, letting you climb into the bed, him following. Shifting closer to you, he draped the sheets over your body, not breaking eye contact for one moment.

“I am afraid, Steve,” you whispered, staring into those baby blue eyes of his.

He didn’t know what to answer. Of course you were afraid, and he knew why you were.

“I’ll write you, every day,” he promised, moving his hand to lay it on your cheek, softly caressing your skin with his thumb.

“I expect you to do that,” you silently laughed, enjoying the sparks Steve sent through your body with his simple touch. “But there is something important I have to tell you and I am afraid it just makes things worse.” You added the last part of the sentence in your head: Especially if you don’t get back.

"Tell me, Y/N. I am here for you. Like you were always there for me.”

This made you tear up, but you rapidly blinked the drops of water away. “I just wish I could be there for you out on the battle field as well.”

“No, no!” Steve objected. “I know you were the perfect woman for this job, but I don’t want to see you out there. You are safe here, and it should stay like this.”

“I don’t think I’m happy without you here,” you said, grabbing for the hand laying on your cheek to intertwine your fingers. You quickly glanced at his soft pink lips and you knew Steve noticed this. “I love you, Steve, and I want to kiss you at least once before you go and maybe never return.”

Steve’s eyes widened and they switched rapidly from looking into one e/y eye and then into the other. He cleared his throat, his hand leaving yours to move into your hair to tuck the loose strands behind your ear. “Does this mean I am permitted to do this right know?” he asked in a hushed voice. “May I kiss you?”

“God, yes.”

A shudder went through both of your bodies as Steve began with a gentle peck on your lips, noses brushing against each other. Another one followed, and another, and another. You pushed against him, eager for more to which Steve happily obliged. He opened his mouth as your tongue swiped over his bottom lip, welcoming you, he arched away from your touch as your fingertips wandered over his clearly palpable spine, bodies now pressed together.

You pulled away, giving Steve the time he needed to regain his breath. He hid his face in the crook of your neck, hot face pressed against your skin. Your fingers carded through his blonde strands as you licked over your lips, savoring the taste Steve left on them.

You fell asleep with Steve snuggled up against you and four words whispered against the shell of your ear: “I love you, too.”

As you returned to your apartment the next day, you were surprised to find an aged man standing before the door.

“Miss Y/N L/N?”

“Yes?”

“Hello, my name is Dr. Erskine. I must say, you are just as beautiful as Steve had described you to be.”

“Thanks?”

Dr. Erskine smiled at you. “I am here to ask if you’re interested in serving your country.”

 

* * *

 

The Black Panther stood still for a moment after he had learned of Zemo’s plans. He raised his head again, looking around the facility as if in search of someone. With silent steps, T’Challa turned on his heel and explored further rooms of the building. He got a glimpse of the room with the five Cryostasis Chambers, the dead corpses of the Winter Soldiers laying in them. Instead of following the two super soldiers as well as Iron Man to fight Zemo, T’Challa continued his journey through the facility, until he stumbled upon another room with one Cryostasis Chamber.

The woman within the Chamber had long h/c hair that framed her face. Unlike the other Winter Soldiers, she hadn’t been shot in the head, leaving her most likely alive. After a quick circle around the chamber, T’Challa pushed the necessary buttons and with a hiss the doors of the Chamber opened, waking you.

E/C eyes wide open, your gaze fell on the person clad in a black suit in front of you. T’Challa moved to take off his mask, then extended a hand, offering you help.

“I am not going to hurt you,” he explained. “I’ll bring you out of this and into safety. What’s your name?”

"Most people address me as ‘Soldier’.” Shrugging, you placed your left hand into T’Challa’s. It clinked as metal came against metal. Your savior frowned as his gaze went over your arm and lingered on the red star painted on your shoulder.

“HYDRA?” It was a simple question.

You cleared your throat. “I used to fought against them, I think. I don’t remember much, but this I surely know,” you explained as T’Challa led you out of the facility and into the snowy landscape of Siberia. “My arm was perfectly fine, but they cut it off as I misbehaved, saying that they could easily replace it. Sometimes I still feel the pain even though this is all metal now.”

T’Challa came to a halt as he made out the figure of Zemo in the near distance. You stood beside him as they talked, you watched as he overpowered the Sokovian, and you waited with him until two people emerged from the facility.

“Are they threats?” you asked T’Challa, who had Zemo enchained. Standing up, you seemed to make yourself ready to fight, but with a hand in front of your upper body T’Challa calmed you down. The metal plates shifted audibly as you lowered your arm and stepped behind him.

T’Challa went to approach the two men, leaving you alone with Zemo, who turned his head in your direction, looking you in the eye.

“It appears to me that I missed you.”

“I don’t know what you are talking about.” You frowned.

“They didn’t mention a seventh Winter Soldier in the file. I’m surprised you have a prosthetic arm as well. I wonder if the words will work on you -”

“Soldier!”

T’Challa called out to you, cutting Zemo off in the process. He motioned you to come and to bring Zemo with you.

Closing your metal fingers around his collar, you roughly pulled him to his feet, dragging him with you as you moved to stand next to T’Challa. You examined the blonde guy supporting the brunette, whose cut off arm dripped some liquid. The remains were metal, just like your arm.

“Y/N?”

As Steve said your name, Bucky tilted his head to look at you, too, but you looked at them as if they were strangers; to you they were strangers and you were not able to interpret the look of timid hope in their bright blue eyes.

Your arm glistened in the sun as you readjusted your hold on Zemo. Cocking your head to the side as if you were remembering something, you spoke to T’Challa.

“ _Whom does he mean?_ _”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [tumblr](http://secondxreality.tumblr.com)!


	2. Chapter 2

“ _Miss Y/N L/N?”_

“ _Yes?”_

“ _Hello, my name is Dr. Erskine. I must say, you are just as beautiful as Steve had described you to be.”_

“ _Thanks?”_

_Dr. Erskine smiled at you. “I am here to ask if you’re interested in serving your country.”_

_Your eyes widened as a smile pulled at your lips. Approaching the man with quick steps, you moved to open your door. “Do you want to come inside? I’m sure it is more comfortable to speak with each other sitting at a table and a cup of tea in front.”_

“ _It’d be my pleasure, Miss L/N.”_

  


* * *

  


You had fallen asleep, head leaning on the wall beside you, your metal arm kind of secured to keep you from falling over. H/C strands of hair had fallen into your face, gently waving with every breath you took.

Bucky watched you, occasionally looking at Steve, who had not taken his eyes off of your form, yet. He saw the longing in his best friend’s eyes, the love he still held for you and the tiny flame of hope flickering. His own eyes were directed at you, as he addressed Steve.

“I remember the conversation we had after you saved my ass from HYDRA the first time.”

After a couple of seconds Steve managed to tear his gaze away from you to look at Bucky.

“You do?”

Bucky nodded. “Yeah. I remember the furious blush on your face when you told me how you guys kissed.”

A faint pink appeared on Steve’s cheeks and a huff escaped his lips. “She was _our_ best girl. It was kinda embarrassing to tell you this.”

Chuckling, Bucky squeezed Steve’s shoulder as the latter looked back at you. It was silent, except for the whirring of the Quinjet. Bucky’s face contorted into a grimace, knowing Steve wasn’t looking. He did not know how he should tell him what he knew.

Actually, it was simple. He knew you. Of course, he knew you, you were childhood friends. But he also knew what you did for HYDRA, like he already said, _he remembered all of them._ You, on the other hand, seemed to remember nothing. Nothing that concerned your own personal life. The fact that you hadn’t talked much so far, didn’t help.

Bucky forced back a sigh.

  


* * *

  


“ _So, Dr. Erskine, what do you think I can do to help?”_

_Dr. Erskine smiled at your eagerness and calmly took a sip of his tea. “Well, I have heard of you as a great fighter.”_

_You laughed. “Let me guess, Steve told you this?”_

“ _Yes,” replied Dr. Erskine, joining in your laughter quietly. He slowly put down his cup of tea and watched how you took a big gulp of your own. “Steve likes to talk about you. A lot.”_

“ _Really?” you asked and chuckled._

“ _Only the best,” he reassured you, making a grin spreading your lips._

“ _Oh!” you said, “I hope so for him.”_

_You set your cup down and lightly touched the rim with your fingertips. Dr. Erskine watched you, saw as the smile slowly slipped from your face._

“ _Steve had his first day in the camp today,” he said. “He did -”_

“ _Don’t say it,” you pleaded. “We both know how he did. Steve is a soldier by heart, I do not doubt that, but physically …”_

“ _There’s great potential in him. He tries. Hard.”_

_You took in a quivering breath. “I still cannot believe how you could enlist him.”_

_Dr. Erskine didn’t think you sounded angry. Your voice was calm and reserved, but your eyes and body told another story. A fire raged in them, your fingers clenched into fists and the muscles on your arms bulged under your skin._

“ _I saw you, how you watched Steve, and Bucky, and me in the enlistment office. You are a doctor, you must have seen in what condition he is. You must have seen that he isn’t able to fight in a war and get out of it in one piece!”_

“ _Miss L/N, I understand you are -”_

 _You got louder. “No! You do not understand anything! Steve, Bucky, there are_ my family _._ _My family is out there and I can do bloody_ nothing _to help them, to protect them.”_

 _Tears had gathered in your eyes, blurring your sight and you blinked violently to make them disappear. “Bucky and I were the one who saved Steve’s ass when he decided to throw himself in a fight again. Now, Bucky is God knows where and I have to sit here in my home, being the average woman I am supposed to be. I couldn’t even take this when Steve was still there, but now he is away as well, I can’t reach him and it is_ tearing me apart.”

_You stood, wiped away more of your tears and went to put your cup into the sink. You talked silently again._

“ _You said you’re here because I might be interested in serving our country. Please, tell me you are here because I can go and kick some Nazi’s ass as well.”_

_Dr. Erskine took another sip as you had turned around. “I won’t disappoint you in that one.”_

_A teary laugh escaped your lips._

  


* * *

  


It was strange to see you like this. Strange to see you going through the equipment lockers of the Quinjet to look for weapons you could use.

Steve watched as you took several knifes and hid them in various places of your gear given to you by HYDRA, two hand guns wandered into your holsters after you checked them for ammo, and a machine gun got slung over your back. The last thing you took was a mask out of your pocket, the exact same thing Bucky wore when he fought as HYDRA’s Winter Soldier. You turned to Steve.

“Ready, Captain.”

“You know the mission?”

“Yes, Captain. Infiltrate the Raft, free the prisoners namely Clint Barton, Sam Wilson, Scott Lang, and Wanda Maximoff,” you droned and Steve noticed how your eyes had glazed over.

“Keep my face hidden, get rid of everyone in our way -” You stopped yourself, blinked several times and looked at Steve, somehow a disbelieving expression on your face. “S-sorry, Captain. Bad habit, I know we do not want to kill if it is not necessary.”

The urge to go and do anything to get this uneasy tone out of your voice was strong, but Steve kept calm. “It’s alright, Soldier, no harm done.” Somehow it scared him how much you behaved like a disciplined soldier, but for your sake he didn’t insist on you breaking this behavior, knowing that you didn’t need someone turning your life more upside down than it already was.

You sighed a sigh of relief. “Yes, thank you, Captain.”

“I think the mask is a good idea, nevertheless.” Steve glanced at your form one last time, before he opened the entrance to the Quinjet, revealing the sight of the Raft you were both going to break into. “Then you can get away unknown if something goes wrong.”

“This won’t happen,” you objected.

Even though you knew nothing of your personal life, you knew everything else. You knew Steve and Bucky, you knew the Avengers and their members, you knew HYDRA, S.H.I.E.L.D., who they were and what they did. But when it came to you and anything related to you, you had no memories. You didn’t knew where you came from, what your friends were to you or what you did in your past life.

At least you knew HYDRA was the bad one.

You waited until Steve took his first steps out of the Quinjet, placed the mask over the lower half of your face and followed him with a hunched back and quick steps.

Memorizing they way Steve led, you both made your way fast and silently to a door far away from the heavily guarded part of the prison, the only thing monitoring the area was a security camera.

You signaled Steve to come behind you, shielding him from the cameras. With one swift movement, you took one of your hand guns and after a soft click and a noise nearly impossible to hear of a bullet being shot, you made quick work of the camera.  
  
“It is better if they don’t see you, right?” you asked. “I’ll take the lead, just say which way.”  
  
Steve nodded. “First, trough this door, then just follow the way.”  
  
“Alright,” you said, put back the gun and went straight for the door. It didn’t seem to be used frequently, it didn’t even had a handle. But with one step took back, you swung your left arm, metal fist colliding with the door and making an impressive dent into it. The bang was louder than Steve preferred.  
  
You looked back at him, wiggling your metal fingers. Steve nodded to make you continue; even if it was loud, there was no other way to free his friends.  
  
After two more punches, the door flung out of its hinges and you both could continue your journey.  
  
The corridor behind the door led deep into the Raft and Steve did not say much, occasionally announcing directions. You didn’t take too much time, but you hurried nevertheless, keeping the risk of getting captured low (even though a shot camera and a damaged door didn’t do much to keep you in secret).  
  
You were about to round a corner, as you stopped dead in your tracks and held a finger to your masked lips. Risking a glance, you noticed two guards in the corridor you had to go next.  
  
“Joe, think you can handle this for five minutes alone?”  
  
“Don’t tell me you have to go pee again.”  
  
A loud laugh came from Joe and the sound of a chair pushed back echoed throughout the corridor. “God, you have the bladder of a five year old,” he complained. “Go. Of course I can handle this.”  
  
“Thanks, man.”  
  
Footsteps could be heard until they faded and you nodded at Steve.  
  
“Wait,” you signed and peeked around the corner. What a coincidence they made it this easy for you. You stepped into the corridor. A few moments and a soft thud later, you called for Steve. He saw the guard on the ground unconscious, you beginning to pull off his clothes.  
  
“Take his uniform,” you said to Steve. “Then you’ll get to the prisons without risking to get recognized as easy as now. I’ll deal with the man and follow right away.”  
  
Steve nodded, took the clothes and hurriedly changed, right in front of you, but you didn’t pay much attention to it. While Steve went to the cells, you hid the unconscious guard, then took the same path as Steve. Without any problems you got to the cells and saw the people you had to save for the first time in person.  
  
They all looked powerless, desperate, somehow sad; before they saw Steve. The Falcon, a.k.a. Sam Wilson had a relieved smile on his face as Steve grinned at him. They all knew why he was there. But their relief got washed away as soon as they saw you. Confusion and fear was in their eyes. You didn’t take too much on it; your gaze was on Steve.  
  
With a shake of his head, Steve directed you to one of the cells. You met Scott Lang, who mustered you carefully, but at the same time excited. His eyes widened as you began to punch the glass of the cell and broke it in the process, freeing him. Clint Barton, who gazed at you suspiciously, followed next, the last one was Scarlet Witch.  
  
Wanda Maximoff looked at you with sad eyes. Her arms were bound to her body, a collar was around her neck, no doubt there to electrocute her “when necessary”. You couldn’t help but went into her cell and crouched before her. Wanda’s eyes followed your every action until they came to a rest at your own eyes. She held the gaze on your face as you draw a knife, cut the fabric binding her arms and helped her to her feet.

“I’ll get this off, alright?” you murmured and gestured to the collar. “Stay still.”

Wanda nodded and raised her chin to give you better access. You carefully closed your metal fingers around the spot where both ends of the collar met, and laid pressure on it. Wanda’s face contorted in slight pain, but the collar soon snapped and you threw it to the side quickly. You smiled, even though Wanda couldn’t see it.

“Here you go,” you said and led her to Steve, who smiled at her as well.

“Let’s get out of here,” he announced and looked back at you. “Soldier?”

“Yes, Captain.”

  


* * *

  


_Peggy Carter turned out to be a gorgeous woman. Her hair bounced in soft curls around her face, her eyes shined full of power and confidence and her red colored, full lips formed a beautiful smile._

“ _Welcome, Miss Y/N L/N,” she greeted you and grasped your slightly cold hand into a smaller and warmer one for a firm but gentle hand shake. Man, she could totally pull off this uniform._

“ _T-thanks,” you stuttered, slightly intimidated by this beautiful dame. She smiled at you and pulled you to her side as she led you to a dorm, where you were supposed to live in during the time you would attend the training camp Steve were send to as well. Your hopes to meet him were short lived as Dr. Erskine had already told you that Steve had left the camp._

“ _So, you are the woman Steve has told us about.”_

‘ _Here we go again,’ you thought, chuckling. “Well, yes.”_

_Peggy looked at you and chuckled as well. “Don’t worry, Dr. Erskine, Mr. Stark and me are the only ones he told about you. He likes to make sure we know that it is important for him that he is allowed to fight, but also able to return to ‘his girl’, as he said in the end.”_

_You two reached the dorm and Peggy opened the door to a small room, who had space for one small bed, a table plus two chairs and a wardrobe. Peggy went straight for the closet and opened it, revealing several uniforms. You followed, and Peggy gestured to make you take one of the uniform._

“ _You have to change into one of them. Training begins tomorrow, breakfast’s at five o’clock, one break at twelve o’clock and training ends with dinner at seven o’clock. Questions?”_

“ _Um …” You had taken one of the uniforms and examined it confused. “This is a uniform for men.”_

_Peggy smiled at your confused face. “You do want to serve in the army as a soldier, right?”_

“ _Yes, but … I don’t really understand.”_

“ _Women aren’t allowed to serve as a soldier,” Peggy said and watched you intently. You looked back, until the penny dropped and your eyes widened._

“ _Oh,” you said, “I have to disguise myself as a man?”_

“ _Yes.”_

“ _Okay, um, I totally have no problem with that, but first, what about this,” you gestured to your upper torso, “and second what about the other soldiers? The surely expect me to shower with them and what not.”_

_Peggy laughed hearty. “Don’t worry about all of this. First,” she handed you some bandages, “it will be uncomfortable at the beginning, but you will get used to it. Second, Colonel Phillips knows what’s going on and he will cover everything else up. You will do well as a man, I’m sure. A man with a slightly high voice.”_

_You laughed and shook your head. “I think this will be … adventurous. Good thing I love adventures.” This time you nodded, smile still on your face and eyes on the uniform and the bandages. But then it fell and you looked back at Peggy. “Could you help me with the bandages and the uniform? I never wore something like this.“_

_Just as you had finished dressing yourself, the door to your little room opened and Colonel Phillips stepped in. He stopped as he saw you for the first time and he frowned._

“ _God, Carter, this is still a bad idea.”_

 _Phillips went to stand in front of you and looked you up and down. “A woman as a soldier, ridiculous. I already tolerated Rogers and now we have another shrimp ready to get his ass kicked by literally_ every other _soldier in this army base. What do you have to say?“_

_The last part was directed at you and you were fast to answer._

“ _Usually_ I _am the one who kicks ass,_ Sir,“ _you said, emphasizing the “sir” and returning Colonel Phillips’ hard gaze. “How do you think did Steve survive those fights back at home? Besides, why should I throw myself into war if I wouldn’t be suitable?”_

_Colonel Phillips scoffed. “We’ll see about that. Rogers is desperate to fight even though he can’t even lift his own pathetic weight.” He shook his head. “I will do nothing if you should fuck this up, understood, L/N? I’ll play along with a different name, that you can shower for yourself and so on, but that’s it.”_

“ _Understood, Sir.”_

_Phillips’ gaze burned into your head, but then he turned and went back the way he came. “Do something about her hair and give her a new name. I expect her to be on time for dinner.”_

_The door slammed shut and Peggy looked at you._

“ _I don’t think he is happy with that idea,” you said, gaze still set on the door._

“ _Don’t mind him,” she answered, “believe me when I say he is never happy with other people’s idea.”_

_You laughed dryly. “Yeah, but I’ll show him what a woman is capable of. Even if they don’t like it you have to show ‘em you won’t give up.”_

“ _That’s the right attitude!” Peggy laughed and went for the door. “Come on, let’s ‘do something’ about your hair.”_

_Two weeks later you were rubbing sand corns out of the strands of your h/c hair, long enough to cover your forehead but short enough to not be in the way._

“ _I’m still not approving.”_

“ _She proved to be more than capable of being a soldier. She even is better than many men and could be sent to war right away.”_

_Phillips snorted. “She is as dumb as Rogers, would lay down on a grenade if I’d throw one. Just. Like. The shrimp.“_

“ _She is brave, just like ‘the shrimp’. Willing to do everything she is able to do to serve her country.”_

“ _I won’t repeat myself.”_

_Dr. Erskine pulled his gaze away from the stubborn face of Colonel Phillips, instead he looked at your form, as you dodged the blow of a man, grabbed the fist now standing beside your face in the air and twisted the arm, making your comrade cry out in pain. With one swift kick into the back of his knees, you had him laying onto the ground, a satisfactory smile on your face._

_Colonel Phillips rolled his eyes as Dr. Erskine looked at him with a serious expression, telling him he should quit denying that you_ were _a soldier, even better as many of your comrades._

“ _You know what? Do what you want! But don’t expect me to accept her as a true soldier. She is and will ever be a woman!”_

_He angrily went off to a pair of training soldiers to yell at them. In the meantime you had noticed Dr. Erskine standing at the side. You jogged over to him, small smile on your face._

“ _Hey, Doc,” you said as you reached him, swiping the sweat off of your forehead and stroking over the short peaks of your hair. “What do you think? Am I ready to be sent off after two weeks?”_

“ _You surely do fight like that.”_

“ _Glad to hear that,” you said, the smile on your face too big to hide. “Please tell me it will happen! I’m ready to fight, ready to serve my country!”_

“ _I won’t disappoint you in that one,” Dr. Erskine answered, repeating the same words he said during your first meeting._

_It had been the last words you heard from Dr. Erskine personally._

  


  


“ _You can’t do this!”_

_Steve overheard Peggy’s upset voice and continued his search for weapons and equipment._

“ _Do you hear me? You_ cannot _do this!”_

“ _I can and I will,” Steve retorted and took one of the helmets the girls used on the show he hated with all his being. After shortly pondering, he also took one of the shields with the stars ‘n’ stripes._

“ _But it is too dangerous for one man alone! Even if you succeed in entering the base, they will have you killed in a matter of seconds.”_

“ _Then so be it”, he answered desperately and finally returned Peggy’s gaze. “Then so be it,” he repeated, “but I will_ not _stand here and do nothing even though I am able to. Bucky and I once promised someone to come back, and I’ll be damned if I don’t keep my word. You told me you thought I was meant for more than this. Did you mean that?“_

_"Every word.”_

“ _Then you gotta let me go.”_

_Peggy sighed, pressing her lips together in a thin line. “I can do more than that. You're not going alone.”_

“ _And who would accompany me?”_

_A smile adorned Peggy’s feature as she thought of the exactly right person. “Follow me.”_

_She turned, waiting for Steve to discard the weapons for now and went to the tent she was sure she would find you. Steve trailed behind, then quickly next to her. They both could already hear the shouting several feet away._

“ _I won’t have this conversation again!” Phillips shouted angrily and pointed a finger into your face._

“ _Then allow me to be sent off!” came your retort._

“ _No!”_

“ _Why?”_

“ _Oh, you know for sure why!”_

“ _That’s not a reason!”_

“ _F/N, I swear to God if you-”_

“ _Dr. Erskine said I would be-”_

“ _Dr. Erskine is dead. I don’t care what he said.”_

_Before Peggy entered the tent, she signed Steve to wait outside, who unwillingly complied. Peggy could see you standing in front of a fuming Colonel Phillips, looking him dead in the eye, hands balled into fists. You seemed intimidating, being as tall as Phillips and having gained even more strength during your time in the camp. But Phillips was uncowed, the stoic expression he always held still on his face._

“ _I can’t believe it,” you said, inhaling deeply to suppress the desire to punch Phillips right here right now into his face._

“ _Same here,” Peggy interrupted and both your heads whipped to the side._

“ _Peggy!” you breathed, eyes lighting up as you recognized her. “Please tell Colonel Phillips I can be sent off!”_

“ _I’m afraid to tell you he will listen to me as_ _well_ _as he does to you, F/N.”_

“ _Damn right, Carter! And now, bring F/N out before I kick his sorry ass.”_

“ _We will talk again!” you shouted at Phillips as Peggy dragged you out of the tent. “Don’t think I will settle for this!”_

“ _M/N,” she called and patted your arm. You calmed immediately and gave her a smile._

“ _What is it?”_

“ _Promise me you won’t show anything.”_

“ _Um, okay? I promise.”_

“ _Good.” And with that Peggy turned to Steve and had you standing right in front of him. He looked at you and your chin dropped._

“ _This is M/N F/N, your accompaniment,” she introduced you and kicked you in in the back of your lower leg in the meantime, so you would do something._

_Steve eyed you and went to stand in front of you with a outstretched hand. “Steve Rogers,” he introduced himself, but you certainly knew who he was. You closed your mouth and swallowed._

“ _Pleasure to meet you,” you said breathless and gripped his awaiting hand. He shook it._

“ _Likewise,” Steve said and dropped your hand, eyes now on Peggy and leaving you to your thoughts._

‘ _He’s stronger,’ you thought, wiggling your fingers. ‘And taller, and he has more muscles, and he is … different.‘ You looked back at Steve. ‘Is he wearing the suit this strange Captain America usually wears, jumping around on this stage with skinny girls singing? You have to be shitting me, he_ is _Captain America.’_

“ _Are you sure you want to do this?”_

_You blinked and looked back at Steve, who looked at you questioningly._

“ _Huh?” You had totally zoned out while he and Peggy were talking._

_Steve frowned, but Peggy glared at him before he could say anything and turned to you._

“ _We need your help in rescuing some P.O.W.s Phillips already gave up on. It is dangerous and it will only be you and Steve, but you are more than capable, M/N.”_

_You began to realize what Peggy had said. “Does this mean I finally can kick some ass and help our country?”_

“ _Definitely that.”_

_A big smile widened your face. “When do we start?”_

  


* * *

  


The silence in the Quinjet was nearly unbearable. You felt the gaze of three people burning into you, Steve and Sam, who spoke with each other in hushed voices, were the only ones not watching you. The strong feeling of discomfort had prevented you of discarding your mask and weapons.

“You have to understand that you are forced to hide.”

Sam looked at Steve as if he had grown a second head.

“Seriously? I’m not dumb, Rogers.”

Steve let out a distressed laugh.

“But that doesn’t mean we’re stopping to help you, if you need us, right?” Sam said after a short break. “We are still a team.”

“Yeah, I know. Thanks for that, by the way.”

“Thanks for the rescue, ‘by the way’,” Sam mocked and smiled. “Where will you go? I must say I am surprised Barnes isn’t with you, as well as Stark, but this … um … who is she? I’d say woman, but she is more like a killer machine like Barnes.”

Steve sighed. “Things went somehow wrong in Siberia.”

“I figured that one out. Stark said he wanted to help you, and for once I thought he really meant it. And where the hell is your frisbee?”

“I’d rather not speak about it.”

Sam eyed Steve warily, but chose not to dig deeper. He changed the topic. “How’s Barnes?”

“Lost his metal arm, otherwise fine. He is safe where he is.”

“You won’t tell me?”

“Don’t want to burden you with more information, it can get dangerous. But I will go with Bucky after I dropped you guys, together with Y/N.”

“Y/N?”

Steve closed his eyes with a somehow pained expression. “I mean Y/N, um, the soldier.”

Sam frowned. “Do you try to tell me, that you know her, but she doesn’t know herself? Do we have a female Winter Soldier right here?”

“Yeah.”

“Let me guess: You know her back from the 40′s?”

“Late 20′s.”

Sighing, Sam dragged a hand down his face. He looked at you sitting alone in a corner of the Quinjet, face partly shielded by your mask, but your eyes didn’t show anything of your emotional state either. You had proceeded to fix the flaws in your arm, a result from several punched in doors and a little fight when you had tried to escape the Raft. It had reminded Sam a lot of the fighting style of Bucky as he fought against him as the Winter Soldier.

It was silent again, only the soft clang of metal against metal and the whirring of the mechanics in your metal arm occasionally broke it. While you worked, you droned out your surroundings. Knowing that you were not on a mission and nobody required your skills or would attack you, you forgot about the persons around you and how uncomfortable they made you feel. You fixed your arm, flexing it and the fingers as you were finished and put the little tools away you always had on your body.

Then you took off your mask and could finally breath some fresh air, inhaling a deep breath as you made your way over to the equipment lockers and stuffed away the mask into one of your pockets. You searched for the name “Romanoff”, opened the locker and began to put away the weapons you had taken. First the machine gun you luckily hadn’t need to use, then the hand guns after refilling them with ammo, and last the knifes, only one you kept for yourself.

As you turned, your gaze fell back on the persons you suddenly became much aware of again. Your metal hand twitched, but you just went back to your place, ignoring the former Avengers and folding your hands in your lap, now nothing to do to help you take your mind off of wandering.

The flight went on for approximately one hour and you felt somehow relieved as you felt the Quinjet sink, ready to drop off the former prisoners. Steve stood to bid good bye to his friends, but Wanda remained to talk you.

“Thank you,” she said, “for helping us.”

You returned her smile with a tiny one. “It was my mission, but, um, no problem nevertheless?”

Wanda looked back at Steve, Clint, Sam and Scott, then leaned in and whispered: “When you need a little push towards your memories, you know where to find me. There are still in there and you can regain them, for what I hope for you.”

She squeezed both of your hands as a good bye, then walked over to Steve and the others awaiting them. You watched them until Steve came back and the Quinjet was too high for you to see them.

“Captain?”

Steve looked up and into your eyes. “Yes? Everything all right?”

“Yes, I just,” you paused, but then shook your head. “Never mind.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all those leaving kudos and comments!
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](http://secondxreality.tumblr.com)!


	3. Chapter 3

 

“ _I hope this won’t be crushing down like the flying car did at your expo.”_

_Howard Stark didn’t know at first, whether he should snap back or laugh. He decided for the latter._

“ _Don’t worry, Sergeant F/N, unlike the flying car this plane isn’t a prototype and it should function perfectly. I can’t guarantee for everything, but if we don’t exactly get shot out of the sky, we should be fine.“_

“ _Reassuring,” you said._

“ _Maybe you should have thought about this before you stepped in. Are you afraid, Sergeant?”_

_You scoffed. “Of course not, Mr. Stark. Otherwise I would not be here.”_

“ _I did think so.” Howard grinned at you before he turned back to his console, concentrating on the task at hand; to bring Steve and you as safely as possible and as far as possible behind the enemy lines._

_You smiled at yourself and leaned back. Your remark was a desperate attempt to ease the awkward atmosphere after Steve mistakenly uttered that Peggy and Howard were dating, but it was short-lived and you simply opted to close your eyes and block out the tension._

_For a rather long time the roar of the engine and a casual shifting of the passengers were the only sound. Your eyes snapped open again, as an explosion rung out._

“ _Shit!” Howard cursed and the plane shook from an impact._

“ _Turn the plane once we’re clear!” Steve shouted as he stood up, shield already strapped onto his back. You mimicked him and grabbed your gear._

“ _Don’t tell me what to do,” Peggy shouted back, and turned to Howard. “How long can you-”_

“ _If we fly any further, we surely land, but not the way we all want it,” Howard interrupted her, a twisted expression on his face. “I don’t think we’ll be a_ _b_ _le to drop them at the doorstep as we originally have planned.”_

“ _Then turn the plane as soon as we’re off!”_

“ _You can’t give me orders, Rogers!”_

_Steve opened his mouth to counter, but this time it was you who interrupted. “Usually I’d enjoy a good banter, but I don’t intend to fucking die up here!”_

_Steve and Peggy both looked at you, Steve with his lips pressed into a thin line. You returned his stare with wide eyes and wildly gestured him to just comply._

“ _Here, take this,” Peggy said and shoved a radio into Steve’s chest, who accepted it with a surprised expression._

“ _Contact us, when you need a ride back. And now, go!”_

_She pushed you alongside Steve to the door, who opened it immediately, but before he jumped he turned back to Peggy._

“ _You were wrong,” he smiled, “I surely can give you orders for I am the Captain.”_

_You rolled your eyes. ‘He became more cocky as well, and, for that matter, with women!’_

“ _Let’s go, pal!” you shouted, slapping Steve’s shoulder._

_He leapt from the plane, you right behind him, leaving Peggy and Howard to themselves._

_Both of you landed on the ground safely, only a few feet apart from each other. Hiding behind the trees of the forest, you recognized a street right before you. Steve signaled you to come to him._

“ _Do you here the trucks coming this way?”_

_You paused to concentrate on your hearing. Steve continued to speak as you nodded._

“ _We’ll sneak on one of those, knock out the guards and infiltrate the HYDRA base thereby. Any objections?”_

“ _I’ll do as you say, Captain.”_

“ _Alright.”_

_It didn’t take long for the trucks to arrive. As soon as the last one drove by, you and Steve got to action, running behind the truck, heaving yourselves on the platform and folding back the cover, taking the two HYDRA agents by surprise. One punch by each of you and the enemies were lying on the ground, Steve and you took their places after you simply threw them off the truck._

_The ride didn’t take long as you were already quite near to the camp. A few stops came and went, and as the trucks arrived at the camp they had to wait to be let in, and were finally parked in front of a building. Steve positioned himself in front of the cover, back to you and shield protecting his entire body as he crouched. Not three seconds later the cover was pulled back, a HYDRA agent staring at Steve’s shield. With a powerful punch he knocked him back, motioned you to follow him quick and hopped off the truck._

_You hid behind several tanks, making your way over the compound and to the facility where the P.O.W.s were held. Sprinting a quite long way over to the next vehicle, Steve jumped on it and onto the building next to it. You followed, already feeling a low need for oxygen, while Steve didn’t even break a sweat. Skinny Steve would have had several asthma attacks by now, you thought somehow bitterly, but at the same time you couldn’t help but be happy for him. That was everything he ever wanted since the beginning of WWII._

_Steve stopped in front of a door leading to a great hall. An agent stood in near range of the door, and Steve simply knocked. The agent turned his head and went to open the door, but as soon as he did, Steve pushed the door back close, the agent’s head in between. With a final punch thrown by you, he collapsed and Steve pulled him out of the door to be able to close it after you two stepped into the hall._

_The hall was filled with weapons in masses you could barely process. But Steve didn’t let you much time to look around anyway, instead he went on quickly, hand gun drawn. He stopped another time when you passed some kind of table, the objects laying on it glowing in a bright blue, oddly remembering you of Steve’s own blue eyes. You mirrored Steve, packed one into your pocket and followed him. It was time you would reach the P.O.W.s and finally rescue them._

_The cages of the prisoners were round with bars even on the ceiling, the HYDRA agent guarding them walking over their heads._

“ _He has the key,” you whispered to Steve. “You go down already, I’ll pass you them then.”_

_Steve eyed you warily, but you only smirked. “Come on now, I can handle this easily, even without a super serum.”_

_He shook his head, but complied and made his way to the cages of the prisoners. You waited for the next time the guard turned his back to you, then stepped up on him. You tipped his shoulder._

“ _Wha-”_

_The agent fell onto one of the cages, unconscious. With your foot you turned him around and searched for the keys, making eye contact with the men in the cages, who had looked up as they heard the agent fall._

“ _Hey, everyone,” you greeted and passed Steve the keys, a perfect toss through the bars of the cages._

“ _Who are you supposed to be?” asked Gabe Jones, firstly looking at you, then at Steve. You left Steve to answer, already moving to catch up on him._

“ _I’m … Captain America.”_

“ _I beg your pardon?” retort_ _ed_ _James Montgomery Falsworth._

_You chuckled as you reached them, plucking the keys out of Steve’s grasp to free other prisoners._

“ _Is there anybody else?”_

“ _We’re looking for Sergeant James Barnes.”_

_You looked up at this. “Bucky’s here?” you whispered, not even noticing Steve’s gaze on you, but he was distracted by Falsworth speaking about an “experiment” and “no one comes back from it”._

“ _F/N, you know the way. Get out fast and give them hell. I’ll meet you guys-”_

“ _Wait, wait, wait, easy there, Cap,” you interrupted Steve, standing beside Gabe who completed your sentence._

“ _You know what you’re doing?”_

“ _Yeah,” answered Steve, “I’ve knocked out Adolf Hitler over two hundred times.” And he took off._

_Dum Dum Dugan looked at you confused, but you simply groaned, thinking back to one of Steve’s shows Peggy once told you about (and failing to add that Steve was Captain America)._

“ _Just try to come back in one piece, Steve,” you yelled, doubting that he had heard you, then you turned to the dozens of prisoners._

“ _Alright, ladies, let’s get out of here.”_

  


* * *

  


“How did it go?”

“Okay, I guess.”

Bucky greeted you and Steve with a small smile on his lips. His metal stump was covered with a black cloth, he himself was dressed in new clothes. He looked pure in white, innocent. You suddenly somehow felt like the devil itself.

“T’Challa got as some rooms,” Bucky said, leading the way as he talked. “Said we should make ourselves at home. Some meals are already prepared in the kitchen.”

“You got along well?”

“Yeah,” Bucky laughed. “When he doesn’t try to kill you he really is a good host and company. That one’s yours.”

You needed some time to process Bucky meant you. “Mine?”

“Yes, yours.”

Clearing your throat, you moved to open the door, revealing the sight to a clear and modern room, simple white furniture without anything personal.

“Clothing is in the wardrobe,” Bucky added, you nodded, but still didn’t go in. Instead you turned back to him and Steve.

“Is … is there no mission report needed?”

Steve looked at Bucky. “N-no, that’s not necessary,” he said. “But if it is alright with you, we’ll meet in an hour and eat dinner together.”

Your lips mouthed the word “together”, face contorting in a confused way. Bucky laid a hand on your shoulder, you flinched a bit, looking up at him with an unsure expression on your face.

“It is all right, Soldier. No one will punish you here if you make a mistake, ask questions, or do something on your own. No one’s gonna hurt you.”

“One hour,” you repeated, nodding at Bucky, who returned it.

“One hour. Shower, change, meet us then,” Steve continued and you looked back at him.

“I’ll do as you say, Captain.”

Closing the door, you took a moment to collect yourself before going to shower and change, taking in your surroundings. The room was plain. One large bed, black bed sheets, left corner, a wardrobe, on the opposite of the bed, a shelf right next to it, a desk with a chair directly under the window in between the bed and the wardrobe. At the bottom of the bed was a door, leading to a small bathroom with toilet, sink, shower and a small cabinet.

Taking a deep breath, you went to the closet, opening it. Nearly all clothes were white, just like Bucky’s. Your hands were slightly dirty, so you wiped your metal fingers quickly on your black clothes you were currently wearing, careful to not get dirt on the white clothes. A top, skinny looking jeans, socks, new pair of undies. All white, except for the jeans. You were somehow happy about it, all the white slowly getting on your nerves.

As you stripped off your clothing you wondered how many years you already had been in these clothes. You threw them into a basket, taking a towel out of the shelves next to the basket. It kinda surprised you that the shower had warm water, not able to remember your last shower with warm water. Therefore you probably took more time than you were supposed to, relishing  the clean and somehow fruity smell of your shampoo you found oddly satisfying.

The new clothes felt soft on your skin, another sensation you couldn’t quite remember. After hanging up the towel to let it dry, you brushed your hair with a comb you found in the small cabinet, tying it back into a high ponytail with a hair tie you also found in the cabinet.

You cleared your throat, staring back at the reflection of yourself in the mirror. Your eyes looked tired, worn-out, while you could still feel the energy flowing through your body, as if you just had not freed four prisoners out of a highly secured prison.

Steve’s and Bucky’s conversation died down as you stepped into the kitchen. Six high chairs stood on the counter, three on each side. You debated internally if you should sit down next to Steve or Bucky, would they even want you to sit next to them?

As if Bucky could see your inner struggle, he gestured you to sit next to him and moved a plate with a sandwich in front of you.

“Figured we all could use something basic”, he said, and Steve smiled at you.

You gave a small “thanks” in return and took the sandwich, taking a bite out of it. It tasted delicious, and after the half of your fourth one, you laid it back down onto your plate.

“I’m,” you coughed silently, looking between Steve, Bucky and your meal back and forth, “I’m, um, I am not hungry anymore. Sorry.”

“No problem,” said Bucky and simply took your plate, after already having eaten five sandwiches. Steve rolled his eyes, but he had a smile on his face nevertheless. Tears began to burn in your eyes and you had to sniffle.

Concern washed over Steve’s face and Bucky turned his head to look at you. “You alright?”

“Yes, I just feel _normal,_ something I didn’t feel in a long time, I guess.” You lifted your arm, pressing your metal fingers against your closed eyes, needing the nearly uncomfortable pressure.

Bucky’s chewing slowed down as he and Steve looked at you. Your flesh hand laying on the table had been balled into a fist and you let out a shaky breath.

“This,” you made a circling movement with your left arm, “seems familiar, but I am not able to pin it down. It makes me … gosh, I dunno, cannot name it, either.”

“Don’t get yourself worked up about it too much”, Bucky said. “It’ll come, no one will pressure you on this.”

You nodded, rubbing your eyes one last time to hide the tears and regain some of your composure. Yes, you’re right, I’m sorry.”

“No need to apologize, Soldier,” Steve said and smiled again, making you to come to a decision.

“Y/N.”

Bucky threw Steve a surprised look.

“What?”

“My real name. It’s Y/N, right?”

“Well, yes.”

“You know this because we know each other, yes? Please, don’t lie to me, the look on your faces when we met after the Black Panther had freed me said everything.”

Steve returned your hard but at the same time pleading gaze, seemingly having to struggle with how to answer. He decided for the plain and straight truth.

“That is right.”

You looked down at your plate, and Steve instantly regretted answering with the truth as you moved to stand.

“I’d appreciate it, if you would call me by my given name,” you stated, confidence evident in your voice. “And if it is alright with you, I’d wish to call you by the names I once used.”

Bucky and Steve both nodded, somehow perplexed by the quick change in your behavior. The genuine smile that bloomed on your face surprised them even more.

“Well then. Good night, Bucky. Steve.”

Not until you already had left the kitchen to go to your own room, Steve noticed that he never told you the names you used to call them by, especially Bucky's nickname. The latter simply smiled as he finally came to hear his nickname spoken by you again.

  


* * *

  


  


_Over four hundred men were rescued. Four hundred men who fought their way out of the camp, leaving it completely destroyed behind them. Some sat upon the tanks they had taken, but the most walked, being led by Captain America and Bucky._

_Bucky._

_'You look like shit.’ It had nearly slipped out as you met Steve again, seeing Bucky right next to him. He had several bruises on his face, dried blood stuck on his ear, his clothes had seen better days (but your own as well)._

_"Back in one piece, I see,” you had said, casting Bucky a quick glance before you looked back at Steve._

“ _Touché,” Steve had countered._

“ _The kid is one hell of a soldier!” Dugan, who was walking beside you now, had announced, giving you a friendly but hard slap on the shoulder, grinning like a maniac._

“ _Kid?” you had asked unbelieving. “Watch out, old man, or the kid shows you how well he can handle these fine ass weapons he helped himself to.” You had raised your arms, showing off the sniper rifle, which glowed a bright blue. “We have to give HYDRA that they have incredible weapons.”_

_Dugan had laughed, before he went to Bucky, giving him an equal slap on the back like he had to yours. “Good to see you back, Barnes.”_

_You were now walking behind your two childhood friends, gaze set on their backs. The longer you walked behind them the greater became the urge to say them_ who _you were, so they could be sure you were okay, but most importantly you would then be able to embrace them again, tell them how much you have missed them. But for now you had to settle with being able to protect them yourself._

_As you reached the military base again, you were greeted by dozens of soldiers. In a matter of seconds, you all were surrounded by them, welcoming you back. But soon the crowd parted, making space for Colonel Phillips and Peggy._

_Steve stepped forward._

“ _Some of these men need medical attention,” he said, looking at Peggy before he asked Phillips to reprimand him for his actions. It had you groaning silently, dragging a hand down your face._

“ _That won’t be necessary,” Phillips answered, he even had a small smile on his lips._

“ _Yes, Sir.”_

“ _I heard you have taken F/N with you.”_

“ _Shit,” you whispered. Dugan cast you a glance_ _as you_ _went to stand before Phillips._

“ _Sir.”_

_He looked you up and down, just like he did when you had first met, doubting expression on his face. “Didn’t think I would see you again after Carter dragged you away. Thought you would die the second a HYDRA agent points a weapon to your face.”_

“ _Sorry to disappoint you, Sir.”_

_Phillips narrowed his eyes. “Maybe Dr. Erskine was right. Maybe you are good for something.”_

“ _Even though I am who I am?”_

“ _You wish I’d say that out loud, Sergeant F/N.”_

_You grinned at Phillips, who turned with a shake of his head, mumbled something to Peggy and disappeared in the crowd._

“ _You’re late,” Peggy said, as she st_ _oo_ _d before you and Steve._

_The latter rummaged through one of his pockets, pulling out a somehow damaged radio._

“ _Couldn’t call my ride,” he retorted, making Peggy smile._

“ _Hey!” Bucky shouted, looking at the crowd before his gaze settled first on you, then Steve. “Let’s cheer for Captain America and F/N!”_

_The soldiers surrounding you began to clap and shout, cheering for their saviors._

_Some days later, the Howling Commandos were formed, you finally having found a place in the army._

  


_You had lost count._ _Lost count of how many HYDRA bases you already had destroyed together with the other members of the Howling Commandos. Lost count of how many times you slipped out of death’s grips over and over again, but that didn’t really matter because HYDRA was losing more and more power, meaning WWII was slowly coming to an end._

_You were currently lying next to Bucky on the ground, both of you equipped with a sniper rifle to eliminate every HYDRA agent that could be a threat to one of your comrades._

_Steve was walking beneath you two, examining the ruins of the HYDRA base you had succeeded in destroying. It was then that Bucky moved to take aim and shot. You saw the agent falling from the wall down to Steve’s level as Bucky shot him._

“ _Nice shot,” you commented and looked down to Steve, who had turned around as he heard the man falling. Then he looked up at where you and Bucky had taken place, saluting._

“ _Steve, you little shit,” Bucky groaned. “Don’t you know we-”_

_He was interrupted as you shoved him to the side as good as possible when laying down. The bullet that was meant for him buried itself into the ground._

“ _We_ _a_ _re discovered,” you called, quickly taking aim yourself._

“ _That’s why we don’t salute to soldiers who are supposed to hide,” Bucky growled and took aim again as well. You already had shot, but the HYDRA agent, too._

“ _Yes,” you breathed as the person fell from its standing, but at the same time pain exploded in your shoulder. “Fuck.”_

“ _M/N, you alright?”_

“ _No, shit, I’m fucking shot.”_

_You clutched your left shoulder, feeling the blood already sweeping through your clothes. “Bloody hell, I’m killing Steve if I won’t be able to attend the next mission.”_

“ _Well, then he can start digging his grave,” Bucky said as he heaved you to your feet. “Come on, we have to get you away from here.”_

_Another shot sounded through the air._

_The only thing you could smell was blood. Your eyes were closed and your head lulled round and round as Bucky more or less carried you out of the danger zone. You weren’t able to process half of the things happening around you anymore, you didn’t know how much time had passed before Bucky crouched to lay you down._

“ _Buck.”_

“ _Hey, M/N, don’t close your eyes, alright? I’m going to get you back to the camp, we’ll be there in no time.”_

_You watched with hazy eyes how Bucky ripped off a piece of his uniform and pressed it into your side. Your face contorted slightly, but you slowly moved to press your hand against the fabric as well._

_Bucky cursed as it went slack against his own one._

  


* * *

  


Several days had passed after you, Bucky and Steve had been granted asylum by T’Challa. As Bucky stepped one early morning into the kitchen to pour himself a glass of water, the first thing he did was stumbling upon you sitting on the ground, paper sprawled out in front of you.

“Hey, Y/N.”

You took a moment before you looked up, watching Bucky grabbing a glass and filling it with water. “Hey. Buck. Can’t sleep?”

“Kinda. Aren’t really tired.”

“Me, neither,” you said and took an old looking sheet of paper into your left hand.

“Do you want something to drink, too?”

“No, thanks, I still have some,” you answered, closed your fingers around your own cup of tea and raised it to show it to Bucky.

Bucky nodded, took his glass and went to sit next to you, eyes still on your paper as he raised his hand to take a sip.

You shifted your attention to him and smiled as he returned your gaze. He smiled back.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“’Course you can.”

“Why don’t you let your arm to be fixed? It must be difficult with only one.”

Bucky didn’t know how to answer at first, so he took a second sip of his water first.

“How much do you know about HYDRA and what they did to us?”

You shrugged, but gestured to the paper. “I don’t know much about myself, only some pieces, but T’Challa gave me this, said he had found it in Siberia. You, on the other hand, yeah, well, I know like, everything about you. It is, I mean was, my job, ya’ know? You are Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, served in the 107th and you were a member of the Howling Commandos. On one of their missions you fell off a train, lost your left arm, but got it replaced by HYDRA who turned you into the Winter Soldier.”

“How much do you know about yourself and HYDRA?”

“As I already said, not much. I don’t know how I ended up there, in HYDRA. I don’t really remember my time there, either. They taught me some things, how to use any kind of weapon, languages, facts about several persons important to HYDRA, doesn’t matter whether friend or foe, things like this. Got a metal arm, like you.” Your gaze, which had wandered away from Bucky and back to the paper, found his way to Bucky again. “Do you remember something?”

“I remember everything.”

Your eyes widened. “Really? Did we met?”

Bucky nodded, pain shining in his own eyes. “How you fell into the hands of HYDRA I don’t know myself, but there was one decisive difference between the two of us, as HYDRA worked to make us forget.

“They wiped me. Had to do it several times before I really forgot. But unfortunately for them, I kept remembering, bit by bit. So they build in a switch they could turn if I got troublesome. It was like hypnosis. They could say some words and I was their weapon again, ready to comply.

“As you got captured by HYDRA, their main trouble with you was that you had put up a fight. You always were strong, even before you got the serum I got as well. I would have enjoyed it, seeing you beating up all those agents if I still had been myself, but I wasn’t myself back then, I already was their weapon. So they had me controlling you.”

Bucky’s voice broke at the end. He grabbed for his glass, nearly knocking it over in the process, and hastily gulped everything in it down.

Your eyes followed every movement of his, watching how his face contorted in pain as he returned your gaze.

“I easily overpowered you,” Bucky continued, voice barely above a whisper. “They already had given me the serum, so it was no problem for me, beside the fact that you refused to _really_ fight against me.”

“Because we knew each other before, right?”

“Yes.”

You nodded slowly, fingers fiddling with each other, which made Bucky look at your metal hand and arm.

“Does your arm hurt?” he asked. “Your left arm?”

“Sometimes. But it isn’t physically, I just imagine it. It is stupid, I know, but I just can’t help it.”

“No,” said Bucky and shook his head. “It is not.” He ended up looking at your shoulder, metal meeting the same scarred skin he saw every time he looked at his own shoulder. He wasn’t used to only see a stump covered by a black cloth, yet.

“When we fought against each other, I accidentally crushed your arm as I pressed you against the wall to hold you still. After they had examined you, Zola decided that your arm couldn’t have been saved, so they cut it off.

“I can still hear your screams in my ears, as you cried and begged me to stop it, that I wasn’t myself and that I didn’t had to do this. But I continued as I was told, and you eventually passed out because of the pain. As you woke again, they had already wiped you, leaving you without any memories of yourself at the first try. You had not recognized me the next time you had seen me.”

As Bucky told you this, you kind of expected to remember something. But there was nothing and it bothered you to no end. At the same time you scolded yourself internally; it would be too easy if Bucky and Steve just had to tell you everything that happened to you and you would be the same Y/N as before. Bucky could remember everything and even you could see that he wasn’t the same man as before. No one would be the same after seventy years with HYDRA. However, you had to accept the things he told you as the truth. Besides, you couldn’t find a reason for him to not tell the truth.

You dragged your right hand up your arm, feeling the familiar pain you sometimes unintentionally imagined. However, you forced yourself to ignore it and look back to Bucky, who quickly averted his gaze. You slowly closed both your hands around his only one and cleared your throat.

“You surely has often heard that it isn’t your fault what you did as the Winter Soldier, but-”

“But I did it,” Bucky interrupted. “I know, but I did it.”

“Shush, I wasn’t finished,” you scolded him, furrowing your brow. “I don’t want to argue with you about that one. I just wanted to say that it is okay. We can’t change the past and we don’t know what they would have done if you hadn’t do what HYDRA had ordered. Maybe they would have both of us killed. That doesn’t matter. We’re both here now, alive, and safe. _That_ is what matters, alright?”

“Alright.”

You smiled at Bucky, a smile that nearly broke him, let go of his hand and wiped away the tears glistening on his cheeks.

“I’m glad, that you told me this, although I can’t remember it. It must be hard for you to tell me this, but I am glad that you did. It makes things easier to understand. Thank you.”

“No problem?”

You laughed silently, making Bucky smile as well.

“I feel like hugging,” you said.

“You do?”

“Yeah.”

“You loved hugging people,” Bucky explained, opening his arm to embrace you. You followed his invitation and slung your arms around his torso. “Sometimes you just came up to people and hugged them out of nowhere, because you ‘felt like it’.”

Your smile widened as you felt Bucky’s fingers sprawled on your back, hugging you tightly. Even though some aspects about Bucky and Steve still felt unfamiliar, some things felt familiar indeed, just like this hug.

“It feels good,” you said, chin resting on Bucky’s shoulder.

“It does.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all those leaving kudos and comments!
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](http://secondxreality.tumblr.com)!


	4. Chapter 4

“ _How could this happen?”_

“ _I don’t know. Steve?”_

“ _I’m sorry, okay?”_

“ _What did he do?”_

“ _Saluted to me and M/N when we shot that HYDRA agent wanting to shoot him.”_

“ _Man, Steve, that was dumb. They were supposed to hide.”_

“ _Yeah, I know, I just was really glad that I hadn’t have to take the bullet.”_

“ _M/N did.”_

“ _Would y'all just shut the hell up?”_

“ _M/N!”_

_In an instant, the whole Howling Commandos was beside your bed, surrounding you. You frowned as you felt a dull pain in your shoulder and an even stronger pain in your abdomen._

“ _You kinda scared us there, kid,” Dugan said, smiling down at you._

“ _You’re welcome, old man,” you said back. “How bad is it?”_

“ _The first bullet just grazed your shoulder,” Morita answered._

“ _Your abdomen had it worse. Through-and-through wound,” Gabe continued. “Had to stitch it.”_

“ _Well, that’s just great,” you groaned and raised your arms. “Steve, help me up.”_

_Steve frowned, but did as you had told nevertheless, helping you into a sitting position. “You sure about this? You need to rest.”_

“ _Yeah, yeah, I’ve got this”, you said, breath accelerating. Your abdomen throbbed, making you clutch your hand against it. “For fuck’s sake.”_

“ _Language.” Steve automatically said._

_You glared at him. “Come on, Rogers, help me up again and I’ll kick your pathetic ass without giving a single fuck about the super soldier serum.”_

_Some of the men around you began to chuckle, even Bucky had to smile. Only Steve couldn’t bring himself to even fake a smile._

“ _I’m sorry,” he repeated, voice small._

_You smiled at him, sticking one foot out from under the cover and nudging him with it. “Don’t make a face like this, Steve. Shit happens. Just shrug it off and continue.”_

_This time Steve succeeded in smiling. “Thanks.”_

“ _No problem, punk.” You sighed, sinking back into the pillows and closed your eyes._

“ _I fear I have to kick you out, gentlemen,” another voice announced. A nurse stood in the entrance of the tent, holding back the cover and signing the soldiers to leave the tent._

_The Howling Commandos left without any protest, wishing you to get better soon. To your surprise, Bucky didn’t move an inch._

“ _Can I have some extra time?” he asked, giving the nurse his best and most charming smile._

_She only rolled her eyes. “Five minutes, Sergeant Barnes.”_

_Bucky waited until no one was in the tent any longer, before he returned your curious gaze._

“ _Everything alright?”_

“ _No, not really,” he answered and cleared his throat_

“ _What is it?” you asked. “Besides me being shot.”_

_At the moment Bucky didn’t answer, but he moved to pull out something out of his uniform jacket. Several sheets of paper, blood stuck on them._

“ _The nurse gave me your clothes and belongings after they began to take care of you. I really did not plan on looking, but it simply caught my eye. At first I wondered why you should have letters which I wrote to a completely different person, but then I thought a little bit more about it._

“ _It explains why Colonel Phillips only let a few nurses into the tent as you were taken care of. And I finally understand why you seemed so familiar when I first met you as you and Steve infiltrated that HYDRA base. You behave just like her! Man, I can’t believe I didn’t notice this earlier!”_

_Bucky chuckled and hold the letters out for you to take. You reached for them, lips slightly parted. Your heart beat thudded in your ears as you grabbed the letters, recognizing Bucky’s handwriting, then one with Steve’s. Your fingers brushed over the blood on them._

“ _I think these are yours, Y/N.”_

“ _Bucky,” you whispered, struggling to sit up straight again. “Bucky, I can explain-”_

“ _No, Y/N, you don’t have to explain anything,” he said, steadying you. “First you have to calm down, don’t want to get your stitches teared open, alright?”_

_You nodded breathlessly, clutching the letters to your chest. Bucky watched how you breathed normal again, then you began to speak._

“ _I did what you said,” you started, ”told Steve how I feel. But it was like at the last second, Steve got already accepted and he had to ship off the next day.”_

“ _Yeah, he told me about this.”_

“ _Really?”_

“’ _Course he did. Got as red in the face as the Red Skull.”_

_You chuckled at this, Bucky grinned at you._

“ _Anyway, as I returned to my apartment next morning, I had spent one night at Steve’s alone, I met Dr. Erskine. Ya’ know, the guy who let Steve into the army and transformed him into this ripped giant along with Stark. Said I could join the army as well, but I had to disguise myself as a man because women aren’t allowed to fight. Phillips wasn’t happy with this, but as I returned with Steve and those P.O.W.s he may have come to trust me._

“ _It was really, really hard to keep on acting like a man. I expected to see Steve and you somehow, but man, you had to see my face as I finally met Steve and he was this ..._ different! _He looks even better than before!”_

_Bucky’s grin widened and he wiggled his eyebrows. You smiled back, bumping the fist Bucky had held up. But then your face fell._

“ _When I finally saw you I nearly said out loud that you looked like shit,” you continued, sad expression in your eyes. “I cannot even imagine what they did to you, Buck, but I am just happy that I know where my family is. Even more about the fact that I am able to protect it.” Tears began to burn in your eyes. “I don’t know what I would do if I’d lose only one of you. You are everything I have and want.”_

_Bucky smiled sadly, wiping the tears off of your cheeks as they fell freely. “Everything’s alright, Y/N. Steve and I, we are both here. And don’t forget the promise we made; we’ll always come back to you.”_

“ _I will make damn sure that you get your asses back here.”_

“ _That’s the Y/N I know,” Bucky said, leaned in and pressed a kiss to your forehead. “Just try to survive, too; don’t wanna miss the day where my best friends get married.”_

_You sobbed. “Understood, Sergeant.”_

_ It was silent for a few mome nts,  only muffled sniffles were heard, be fore you spoke up again. _

“ _You have to promise me one thing, Buck.”_

“ _Everything.”_

“ _Don’t tell Steve, or anyone else for that matter. The second Steve gets to know this he will have me send back home and I won’t longer be able to protect you both.”_

“ _Isn’t this our job? To keep you safe?”_

_You chuckled. “Has it not been otherwise from the beginning on?”_

“ _I cannot fight you on that one.” Bucky smiled down at you. “I promise,” he said, “but you have to tell him one day.”_

“ _Well, I did plan on coming back to being a woman,” you said. “Though this has to wait ‘til we have won this war.”_

“ _That is no problem at all.”_

  


* * *

  


You sat in the living room, a book about the Second World War in your lap, the next page between the thumb and pointer finger of your flesh hand as you read every word in a rapid pace. You were told that you had been serving the US in their fight against the Germans and HYDRA. The part “against HYDRA” had left you wondering; you already knew HYDRA were “the bad guys”, how did you ended up with them? Somehow, you had hoped to find some answers in books and even the Internet, a tiny flame of hope flaring as you had asked T’Challa for help in finding sources.

Now you just felt stupid for feeling hopeful. As if your life had been written down in a book.

Your gaze left the words in your book - you had reread the last paragraph three times already, but not one word had made it to be processed - and set itself on the forms of Steve and Bucky, standing in the kitchen, preparing something for dinner.

The thought had crossed your mind several times already. Mostly in the short time span after closing your eyes, when you nearly fell asleep, but your brain made the decision to come up with everything that troubled you in the slightest.

Yes, you could ask Steve and Bucky, apparently they had been your best friends, served with you, they surely had an answer to every question you had, but you just couldn’t do this to them.

The night where you had spoken with Bucky was still crystal clear. It was not like the information had been too much for you, you just continued to be unable to really articulate them with your (non-existing) memories. It was Bucky’s condition that had troubled you. You did not want him to go through all of this again, same for Steve. Maybe you should be a bit happy about not remembering anything.

As if Steve had sensed your gaze on him, he lifted his head, eyes boring into yours as he stilled in chopping some vegetables. You had been caught staring, embarrassing, but Steve simply smiled. Smiling back, you felt an oddly familiar warmth spreading through your entire body, your cheeks turned slightly red. Steve returned your gaze for a couple of seconds, then got back to his task at hand.

Sighing, you started reading your paragraph again. In order of regaining your memory, T’Challa would may do you one more favor if you’d ask extra nicely.

You took the opportunity as T’Challa paid you a spontaneous visit only two days later. He found you in the kitchen, once again deep in thought over dozens of paper and files as you tried to piece together your own past, still remembering not a single moment.

“Hey there, T’Challa,” you greeted him, back facing him, but you noticed him nevertheless.

“Hello, Y/N,” he greeted back, wandering around the kitchen island to take a seat on the other side, facing your front now. “How are you?”

“Could be worse.”

“But also better.”

“Yeah.”

T’Challa smiled back as you grinned at him, eyes finally directed at him. “I hope you’re good yourself?” you asked. “How’s being king?”

“Exhausting,” T’Challa answered, “it could be worse, but also better.”

You nodded, eyes shortly darting back to a piece of paper. It was from Steve, dated back in the 40s, you even recognized his handwriting, but it was just because you already had seen it by now. The blood on it irritated you, but you forced yourself to look back at T’Challa.

“I feel kinda terrible for asking, but could you do me one more favor?”

“I guess the things I gave you do not help?”

Shaking your head, you bit your lip nervously. “I really am grateful for everything you already did for me and gave to me, but I still remember nothing. It is frustrating. Even Bucky telling me something didn’t help.”

“Then tell me what I can do for you.”

“As Steve and I broke into the Raft and freed the former Avengers, Scarlet Witch – Wanda – came to me, offering me her help if I should need it. I want to take on that offer.”

“I understand,” T’Challa said. “You know where they stay?”

“The rough direction, but I will find them.”

“I do not doubt that.”

He turned when you both heard the door opening. Steve walked in, seeing the both of you and smiling in greeting.

“Please, don’t tell one of them,” you said, “they would want to accompany me and this is even more risky than me going alone. I’m capable of doing this myself.”

Steve’s brow furrowed at the string of words falling out of your mouth, but T’Challa understood you.

“Don’t worry, you’ll be back before they would notice,” he said, also in Xhosa. “I’ll see you tomorrow, after your morning run.”

He stood and smiled to Steve as he passed him on his way to the door. “Captain.”

“Your Highness.”

Steve watched while T’Challa went away, then turned his gaze to you, a big question mark over his head. You grinned at him.

“What was that?”

“Hello to you, too, Steve.”

“Hey, Y/N,” he said, confusion in his voice as he walked past you to grab a glass. “I didn’t know you could speak … Xhosa. Was it Xhosa? I couldn’t understand anything.”

“Yes, it was Xhosa.” You chuckled. “I speak a bunch of languages.”

“Really?”

“One of the perks if you get trained by HYDRA.”

Steve rolled his eyes at this, set down the carton of orange juice and closed it. “What other languages do you speak?”

“Oh, the usual. French, Russia and German of course, Japanese, Chinese, Hebrew, Spanish, the like.”

“Okay, alright,” said Steve, staring at you a little bit overwhelmed. He took a sip of his juice, eyes never leaving you.

You giggled nervously. “What is it?”

“Nothing!” he exclaimed. “It just came to my mind, that Bucky can speak these languages most likely, too. Both of you can talk shit about me right next to me and I wouldn’t understand a word!”

“That troubles you?”

“Well, yes!”

You laughed.

  


* * *

  


“ _Ah! Shit!”_

“ _Ow!”_

“ _Bucky!”_

“ _M/N!”_

_Bucky rubbed his jaw while you clutched at your side, your wound, not completely healed, yet, throbbing in pain from the sudden movement as you had punched in him the jaw._

“ _What the hell! You scared me!”_

“ _I noticed.”_

_You had stood with your back to the exit as Bucky felt like he had to make himself known with a fingertip to your shoulder. As expected, you were surprised, but Bucky sure as hell did not expect your fist swinging towards his face._

“ _You alright?” Bucky asked._

“ _I should ask you the same question,” you answered, hobbling back to your bed and laying down on it slowly. “What are you even doing here?”_

“ _Am I not allowed to visit my own friend?” Bucky flopped down beside you, making you bounce a little._

“ _You visited me not even two hours ago.”_

_Bucky smiled sheepishly. “Yeah, well, I felt like visiting again?”_

“ _Is that a question?”_

“ _No?”_

_You rolled your eyes, but Bucky’s flustered state confused you. Sudden realization made you squint said eyes at him, voice holding a warning as you spoke the next words._

“ _You are leaving.” This wasn’t a question, but a statement._

“ _Yes.”_

“ _What is your mission?”_

“ _There’s a train, boarding one of HYDRA’s scientists. We hope he will tell us something about the plans of the Red Skull.”_

_You averted your gaze. “I can’t believe y’all go on a mission without me.”_

“ _Your wounds are not healed, yet. Besides, it’s a really dangerous mission. I’m kinda glad you won’t attend.”_

_The look Bucky received was dangerous as well. “Bullshit. It’s war, Bucky. Everything and everyone is dangerous. Doesn’t matter if I’m about to kick your fucking ass right here or on a train.”_

“ _No kicking asses, please. And watch your language, F/N.”_

_Both you and Bucky looked up as Steve and the rest of the Howling Commandos entered the tent, too._

“ _Hey, kid!” Dugan ruffled through your short hair, you slapped his hand away grinning. “What’s with your face, Bucky?”_

“ _The punk has an amazing right hook.”_

_Dugan looked from Bucky to you and back to Bucky. “What?”_

“ _He surprised me!” you defended yourself. “It was his own fault.”_

“ _Yeah, yeah,” Bucky said, rolling his eyes._

“ _I should do the same to Steve.”_

_Steve perked up. “What? Why should you punch me?”_

“ _Y’all leaving for a mission. Without me. We all know_ why _I won’t go as well.”_

“ _God, you won’t drop that, am I right?”_

“ _Right as fuck,” you said, “I make sure it will be written on your tombstone.”_

“ _Um, we originally came to say good bye, guys, not making plans for funerals,” Falsworth tossed in, awkward smile on his face._

_Steve nodded. “Right. M/N, I guess Bucky already let you in on the mission?”_

“ _Yeah.”_

“ _Good. I’m sorry to cut this short, but we only have little time.”_

_You sighed, nodding nevertheless. “I understand. But I swear, if only one of you comes home with more than a scratch, I’ll make sure you will not ever leave without me again.”_

“ _You can’t give me order, Sergeant,_ I _am the Captain.”_

“ _Fuck you, Rogers!”_

“ _Language!”_

_Bucky smiled alongside the whole Howling Commandos as you last saw him._

  


_A soft voice next to you broke your sleep._

“ _M/N.”_

“ _Hm.”_

“ _Come on. Up with you. The Howling Commandos are back.”_

_Peggy helped your groggy-from-sleep self up, stabilizing your form while you both exited the tent. It was still dark outside. You rubbed the sleep out of your eyes, now being able to see the forms of the Howling Commandos marching towards the tent of Colonel Phillips._

“ _Peg.”_

“ _Yeah?”_

“ _Why are there only six men?”_

“ _I don’t know. Let’s get you to them.”_

_Peggy and you entered the tent as Steve stood in front of Phillips, the Howling Commandos standing in the background. All of them averted their eyes as you and Peggy looked at them. You began to feel nauseous._

“ _Zola was captured,” Steve said to Phillips, “we handed him to the Allied forces. He will be ready to interrogate in no time.”_

“ _Good job, Rogers. Anything else?”_

_Steve sighed and repositioned himself, head held high. “Sergeant Barnes lost his life. We weren’t able to bring his corpse.”_

“ _I’m sorry,” Phillips said, Steve nodded. He only cast you a quick glance as he nearly ran out of the tent._

_You felt numb. Not until the others began to leave as well, you managed to wiggle out of Peggy’s grip and storm out of the tent, going after Steve while pushing past your comrades before they even had fully left the tent themselves._

“ _Steven Grant Rogers!”_

_He came to a halt, only a few feet away from you, but he did not turn._

“ _Care to explain?”_

“ _There is nothing to explain, you heard it back there.”_

“ _Don’t fuck with me, Steve. What happened?”_

“ _Like I said-”_

_You lost your nerves. Voice sounding oddly shrill, you shouted at Steve. “What happened?”_

“ _M/N ...” Peggy moved to stand beside you, trying to calm you down. You panted hard by now, the dull pain in your side making the situation not one bit better._

“ _I have every right to know what happened.”_

_Steve finally turned to you, gaze first resting behind you, on the rest of the Howling Commandos, before he looked directly into your own eyes._

“ _I’d rather talk about it tomorrow,” he said, but you weren’t pleased with that._

“ _I. Don’t. Fucking. Care,” you growled, which made Steve angry himself._

“ _You don’t? Good, really good, Sergeant F/N! I don’t care whether you know what happened or not!” Steve had stepped directly in front of you, and for once in your life you might have felt something akin to fear as you stared into his eyes, anger glistening in them. You had seen this look countless times before, but it was in times where you still had to look down to see into his face and the anger was directed at some bullies._

_However, your own anger took over, making your body shake as tears began to glisten in your eyes. “I_ demand  _to know what happened!”_

“ _I do not think you are in the position to demand something.” Steve’s voice practically dripped with venom. He began to turn, but you were desperate to prevent him from running away. A fist connected to his head proved to be successful._

“ _M/N!” Several voices had called your name, Peggy’s the most prominent. Steve stumbled, you grabbed his collar with both of hands. More shouts rung out, but you didn’t let off of Steve. You stared into his eyes. Tears had gathered in them, but you didn’t know if it was from the punch or because his best friend was … dead._

_Seeing Steve like this let realization sink into you. The tears overflowed your eyes, slowly beginning to roll down your cheeks. Bucky was dead. Gone. You would never see him again let alone properly say good bye; his corpse could not be brought back. Your lower lip began to tremble and a sob escaped your mouth. Your eyes closed, making more tears cascading down your face. Your fingers hesitantly let go of Steve’s collar, drawing back shakily. Closing them in a fist, you limply let them bump against Steve’s chest._

“ _He i-is dead.” Your voice was shaking, just as Steve’s as he answered._

“ _Y-yes.”_

_More sobs came. “No,” you said, “no, no, no. It can’t be.”_

“ _I-I’m sorry,” said Steve, but you didn’t hear him. All you wanted to do now was to wrap your arms around Steve and to mourn with him. But for him you were M/N F/N, not the girl he thought he left back in Brooklyn . So you stepped back, eyes darting back and forth. Other soldiers had gathered, probably drawn to the scenery because of the shouting as you had punched Steve._

“ _M/N.” Peggy called you, but you didn’t hear her as well. Your other hand balled itself to a fist, too, as you marched to the nearest thing around._

“ _M/N,” Peggy repeated, this time more urgent, following you as you went to one of the tables next to the entrance of the tent under the plane. You steadied yourself on it, drawing in deep breaths. All eyes were set on you._

_A strangled cry resounded throughout the air as you swept everything off of the table. Several supplies fell to the ground with a loud clatter. The Howling Commandos standing right next to you couldn’t do more than stare._

“ _M/N!” Peggy shouted, but you continued as if it was nothing._

_Next was the table itself. You flipped it over, kicking it as it lay on its side on the ground. And again. And again. And again. Until you fell to your knees._

“ _Y/N L/N! Leave it before you hurt yourself!”_

_You finally looked at Peggy, words coming through the sobs wrecking your body. “He was part of my family, Peg. And now he is gone. Forever. I did all of this disguising shit to protect my family, but I_ failed. _I fucking failed!”_

“ _Y/N, you have to calm down, okay? Everything will be alright?”_

“ _No!” you screamed, “nothing will be alright! They killed him! They killed a part of my family!”_

“ _Steve is still here, Y/N,” Peggy said, kneeling beside you. “He’s part of your family, too, remember?”_

_You nodded, face wet from your tears, more still rolling over it. Peggy smiled sadly and stood, making room for the man himself. Steve crouched right in front of you, cupping your face with both hands, thumbs wiping at your tears._

“ _Y/N?”_

“ _Yeah. I-it’s me.”_

“ _God, Y/N,” he whispered, before pressing a chaste kiss to your lips and pulling you against him, enveloping you in his arms. “I’m so, so sorry.”_

“ _Me, too, Steve. Me, too.”_

  


* * *

  


You found yourself  back  on American soil, once again in your battle gear, mask on, several weapons on your body, even though you didn’t plan on using them.  It had took you some time to track Wanda and the others down, they were good at hiding, but it was probably for the better that it was only the government which was searching for them.

Their trace led you to a building, surrounding as abandoned as the building itself; not even kids came here to play. You did not make any sound, not even your footsteps were heard,  only the whistle of the wind and a few birds chirping in the near distant.

It all became dead silent as you stepped into the building. You ignored the stairs leading the way up, the lack of windows and doors made it unlikely that they would stay there.  Therefore you chose the way leading downstairs.  You took off your mask before going down.

The basement was large, very large. You weren’t able to see the end of the corridor from your stance at the stairs, several rooms were on both sides of the corridor. Most of them lacked a proper door.

You stepped past them, opting to first observe the open rooms and then the closed ones. However, you didn’t came far.

The sound of something whipping through the air very fast kind of startled you. You whirled around, left arm raised in front of you. The arrow embed itself in between the plates of your metal arm.

“Clint!”

“What?”

“You could have hurt her.”

Wanda turned to you, concern written all over her face. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” you said, examining the arrow in your arm, specifically in your wrist. “Don’t worry, it wasn’t my flesh hand.” A sickening crunch sounded as you pulled on the arrow.

“Look at what you’ve done, Clint. Or should I rather say _hear_ what you have done? ”

“Shut it, Lang.”

Having pulled out the arrow, you tried to flex your wrist. It reacted slowly, just like your fingers as you tried to wiggle them. “You’ve got to be shitting me.”

“Are you sure everything is alright?”

You looked up, directly into the eyes of Wanda. “ _I’m_ fine, yes. But the arrow must have damaged one of the wires.  I’ll fix it later, I didn’t intend on fighting anyway.”

“Tell us why you are here then, Soldier,” Sam interfered.

“It’s Y/N.”

His eyes narrowed. “Steve told me you couldn’t remember anything.”

“And I cannot remember anything. I was only told to be called Y/N. That’s why I am here.” You looked back to Wanda. “I’d like to take you up on your offer.”

She nodded, stepped to you and with a hand laid on your back softly, she led you to one of the rooms. “I stand to my word,” she said, “so I think it’s best if you get somehow comfortable. And no shooting at our guest!”

Her last words were directed at Clint, who only shrugged his shoulders, mouthing a “Sorry!” in your direction. A snort came out of you.

Wanda sat you down on small, old looking couch. “That’s the best we have, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” you reassured her. “Better than nothing.”

She smiled at you. “ Is there something you want to have explained? How this will work or anything else?”

“N-no, you don’t have to,” you said, “I know your powers.”

“You sure?”

“Yes. I know everything that HYDRA wanted me to know.”

“Alright,” she retorted, pushed your upper body on the couch as well and seated herself next to you. The red mist began to dance around her fingers, her eyes becoming red, too.

“Don’t hold anything back, Wanda.”

“I won’t,” she promised, before throwing her red mist at your head. You saw red, then the memories came flooding in. It was much to process and you did not know on what to concentrate for the beginning. You felt a gentle pull leading you in one direction, and you let yourself be led.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [tumblr](http://secondxreality.tumblr.com)!


	5. Chapter 5

“ _Emu.”_

“ _What? I don’t think it was ‘emu’.”_

“ _Um … ostrich?”_

“ _No, I don’t think so.”_

“ _You sure it isn’t ‘emu’?”_

“ _Totally. It’s something else.”_

“ _What else? Then it must be ‘ostrich’!”_

“ _Peggy! Dugan forgot the password again!”_

_Peggy sighed fondly. “The password is ‘eagle’, you apes.”_

“ _That’s what I said, Dugan, but you wouldn’t listen to me!”_

“ _Yeah, yeah, kid,” said Dugan, rolling his eyes as he came out of hiding, stepping right in front of Peggy. “Hi, Peggy!” He looked around, noticing her team members. “Fellas!”_

“ _Hey, Dugan.” Peggy smiled, then turned to the other SSR agents, starting to introduce the Howling Commandos to them. “Thompson, Ramirez, and Lee, these are Dum Dum Dugan, Junior Juniper, Happy Sam Sawyer and Pinky Pinkerton.”_

_Lee and Ramirez stared at them in awe._

“ _You’re the Howling Commandos!”_

“ _I hate that name,” Sawyer threw in, rolling his eyes._

“ _You fought with Captain America!”_

“ _Yeah,” said Dugan, “but not as much as she did.” He smiled brightly at Peggy._

“ _Where is Y/N?” asked Pinky, looking around._

_Dugan glanced around, then leaned down to Peggy’s height. “She doesn’t like your, uh, friends very much,” he told her in a not so low voice, the SSR agents were still able to understand him. “Come on, kid! Say hello to Peggy!”_

“ _Already here, old man.”_

_Thompson, Ramirez, and Lee all jumped as they heard your voice directly behind them. They turned rapidly, but you were already in the progress of pushing past them and going to Peggy._

“ _Peggy!” You beamed at her, embracing her in a bone crushing hug.”It is_ so _good to see you!”_

“ _Y/N, sweetheart,” Peggy said, having a hard time bringing air into her lungs, “I need some air.”_

“ _Huh?” You released her, still smiling. “Ah, of course. Sorry, I underestimate my strength sometimes.”_

_She smiled. “It’s good to see you, too.”_

“ _I know, right?” You laughed heartily._

“ _I guess you know my companion?” Peggy asked._

_You nodded. “Yeah, heard it as you introduced them to the boys.”_

“ _Alright. Gentleman,” Peggy turned to Thompson, Lee, and Ramirez, “this is Y/N L/N.”_

_You looked somehow unwilling, but you stepped to the SSR agents nevertheless, giving them all a polite handshake. Peggy couldn’t hold back a smile as she saw their faces contort in slight pain; your handshake has obviously been a bit too polite._

“ _A woman,” Thompson stated, his left eye twitching as your grip on his hand tightened even more._

“ _No shit, Sherlock,” you said. “Problem with that?”_

_Thompson smiled forcefully, trying to wiggle his fingers, but your own hand prevented him of it. “Of course not.”_

“ _She was the one fighting with Captain America before he even was Captain America,” Juniper said, gaze locked on the SSR agents._

_A sad chuckle escaped you as you dropped the hand of Thompson, eyes boring into his. “We were all just some kids from Brooklyn. Nothing special.”_

“ _Yeah, except for the biggest wish to end up in a fight I have ever seen,” Dugan quipped in, making you laugh again._

“ _You’re probably right.” You turned, the evidence of your sadness quickly masked. “But this isn’t anymore, and we have to move on.” Straightening your posture, you inhaled deeply and smiled brightly again. “Come on, boys, Peggy. We have some bad guys to catch!”_

_Your hand landed on Juniper’s back in a friendly slap, him stumbling slightly forward, but you steadied him and pulled him with you in the progress. “The trucks won’t wait, so move your asses!”_

  


_A fire bristled silently, illuminating the people sitting around it in a warm and soft glow. Peggy sat beside you, you all listening to Pinkerton as he told a story about some Yeti._

“ _I swear, guys, I swear! There was a Yeti!”_

“ _Keep telling yourself that, Pinky.”_

“ _Don’t laugh, Y/N!You’re just jealous because you never saw one!”_

“ _Ha!” you exclaimed, stabbing a finger into Pinkerton’s chest. “At least I don’t have to imagine stories to tell some of them!”_

“ _Aw, kiddos, no fighting, please.”_

“ _Oh, shut it, old man,” you said, waving your hand as if you could wipe him out of your view._

“ _Respect your elders, kid.”_

_You gaped at him. “Man, I’m alright with you calling me ‘kid’, but your only ten years older than me!”_

“ _Then you should stop calling ‘old man’.”_

“ _No way!”_

“ _Then respect your elders,_ kid. _”_

_You pouted, crossing your arms in front of yourself as Pinkerton smirked at you. “I still refuse to believe you.”_

“ _Whatever let you sleep at night,” said Pinkerton. “But you have to admit, it is not as inconceivable as the most people think. I am a little bit surprised you don’t believe me, Y/N.”_

“ _And that is why?”_

“ _You have seen the Red Skull.”_

“ _Yes.” ‘Every night in my dreams,’ you added in thoughts._

“ _Don’t you think a man with a red skull is as inconceivable as a Yeti?”_

“ _No.”_

“ _What? Why?” He furrowed his brow._

“ _Because I have seen the Red Skull with my own eyes.”_

_Pinkerton groaned, eyes rolling in a painful looking motion. He threw his hands into the air. “_ You _are unbelievable, Y/N!”_

“ _Okay, Y/N, Pinky, enough of the bickering, alright?” Peggy intervened, throwing the both of you a soothing smile._

“ _Okay,” you said, “how about your friends? Share stories with us!”_

_All heads turned and eyes were set on the SSR agents. Thompson looked up from his hands._

“ _What?”_

“ _Stories,” you repeated. “I’m sure y’all have something to tell, right?”_

“ _N-no, thanks.”_

“ _Come on! We can rotate. First you, then it’s our turn, and again your turn, and so on.”_

“ _A really nice offer, but I really have nothing to tell.”_

_You sighed, but Peggy jumped to your aid. “_ _They don’t give out Navy Crosses for digging a lot of trenches,”_ _she said, effectively silencing the group, the stares on Thompson intensifying._

“ _No shit!” you exclaimed, excited. “Now, that’s a story to tell!”_

_Thompson looked from Peggy, to your excited beaming,to Dugan and then to the rest of the Howling Commandos._ _He sighed, sounding defeated, and after a short pause he started to speak._

“ _I had night watch, and while my comrades slept, I fell asleep as well. As I awoke I saw one Japanese soldier leaning over one of our soldiers. I didn’t really think, I just shot. The other three Japanese soldiers right after. They were dead before anyone else woke up.”_

_A heavy silence laid upon your little camp. Peggy looked at Thompson speculatively, while the others just watched, taken aback._

_You cleared your throat, breaking the awkward moment. “_ _You did what you had to do_ _to defend the lives of your comrades and your own_ _. There is no war with dead people in it, right?”_

_Thompson nodded, but he didn’t look anyone in the eye._

_Several moments passed before you shifted in your seat and clasped your hands together. “Alright, guys, now it’s my turn! Did I ever tell you how Bucky found out I was in the army disguised as a man?”_

_Peggy, sensing that Thompson needed the attention off of him, turned to you, but also genuinely surprised at what you had told right now._

“ _Bucky knew you were M/N F/N?”_

_You nodded. “Oh, yes!” you said. “Remember when I had to stay at the camp because of a certain someone who got me shot?”_

“ _You mean as Steve saluted to you and Bucky, who were supposed to operate in hiding?” Dugan asked, shaking his head. “I still don’t understand how much stupidity one person can carry around.”_

_Laughing, you nodded. “Yes, exactly that day!”_

“ _But how could Bucky find out?” asked Sawyer._

“ _I could ask the same thing,” Peggy continued, “Colonel Phillips had only let a few nurses into the tent and no one else, besides me.”_

“ _Yeah, well, the nurses gave Bucky my belongings, and among these were letters both Bucky and Steve had once sent me. The smart ass put one and one together and found it out.”_

“ _And he didn’t tell anyone,” sighed Dugan, shaking his head in fake disappointment._

“ _Well, I made him promise,” you said,_ _grinning. “And now you know it anyway.”_

“ _I have to say, I would have never noticed,” Dugan admitted, “you were and are one hell of a soldier.”_

_You_ _r_ _big grin just widened._

  


_Peggy awoke due to a sound she could not quite identify. Her eyes landed on Thompson, who had the first night watch, and their gazes met. She rose to her feet and moved to sit down right beside Thompson. There was no need to voice a question._

“ _It’s the girl, Y/N,” Thompson_ _whispered_ _, making Peggy look at your form, back turned to them. “She cries in her sleep.”_

_Peggy sighed heavily. “I assumed it was only a facade. She still is not over the deaths of Steve and Bucky.”_

“ _What was her relationship with them?” asked Thompson, head turning to look at Peggy. “It had to be more than friendship if she joined the army because of them. As a woman.”_

“ _They were her family,” Peggy explained.”She once told me Bucky was like a brother for her, and Steve … well, her love for Steve went into another direction,_ _even as he still was several inches shorter than her and weren’t able to run thirty feet without breaking down. Y/N is strong, but -”_

“ _Every strong person has a weak point,” Thompson ended. Peggy nodded, heart clenching at seeing your shaking form. She rose to her feet yet again and made her way over to you._

_Her fingers carded through your hair, you still kept it short,_ _trying to soothe you. With her other hand she wiped away the tear stains on your cheek. You startled awake._

“ _Peg!” you whisper-shouted, surprised and voice still heavy of sleep._

“ _Sh,” she hushed you gently. “You cried in your sleep.”_

“ _Oh, yes, you’re right,” you muttered, as you pushed yourself up and wiped at your cheeks yourself. “’M sorry.”_

“ _Nothing to apologize for,” Peggy said and pulled you into her arms. “You miss them, right?”_

_You choked out a ‘yes’ as your lower lip began to tremble again. “It still hurts so much.”_

“ _I know,” Peggy said, resting a hand on the top of your hand as you nuzzled into the crook of her neck._

_She made eye contact with Thompson again, as the latter watched the interaction between the two woman. Pity shone in his eyes._

_It was the same pity Peggy saw as Thompson gave her a letter, some days later back in the US, as she was enchained in an interrogation room in the SSR headquarter. Sousa was barely able to take it, as Peggy read of your_ _abduction by HYDRA. She broke down as she read of your “sacrifice”, and how you would “be held in honor” for your actions that “made the survival of the Howling Commandos possible”._

  


* * *

  


The string of memories ended abruptly. It was as if you got pulled out of a heavy slumber, with a punch to your face. You opened your eyes wide, your head throbbed, every fiber in your body felt like it was set on fire. Heavy breathing filled the room.

“W-what happened?” you asked, moving to push yourself up, but Wanda pushed you back down. Your chest heaved up and down.

“Why did you stop?” A coughing fit disrupted your attempt to speak. “W-we … we just got to the point where we met Peggy in Russia after World War II, why did you -”

“Y/N,” Wanda interrupted you. “Y/N, you’re bleeding.”

“What?”

“Your nose.”

You moved your flesh hand to your face, right under your nose over your upper lip. As you drew your fingers back, blood stuck on them. You wiped at it one more time, drawing back even more blood.

Glancing around the room, you noticed all eyes on you, concern etched into some features.

“You screamed in pain, Y/N,” Wanda continued, “then came the blood. I think your body can’t handle the situation.”

“N-no,” you objected, “continue, please. We … we a-are nearly at the end, right?”

“Y/N, there are still seventy years to bring back, we should give you a break, wait until your body -”

“No!” You nearly screamed, panic rising up in your chest. “I have to … have to know what happened after that. Please, just continue, I can handle it, I have to handle it, just continue, okay?”

Wanda looked torn, but she didn’t answer, so you just continued speaking to her to make her bring back the rest of memories.

“Wanda, I beg you. I _have to_ know what happened after that, _please!_ My head hurts a little, but otherwise I’m fine. Even more than fine, alright? I remember them, I remember all of them. My parents, the Howling Commandos, Peggy, Bucky, and Steve.”  A broken laugh escaped you. “Bucky, and Steve. I thought they were dead, but they are here. Right beside me, the whole time, and I didn’t remember anything. Oh my god, I didn’t recognize them. Shit, Steve, what did I do?”

Y our eyes burned with unshed tears, and you pressed the heels of both metal and flesh arm against them, after closing them.  The metal plates in your arm shifted and rearranged themselves only sluggishly, a result of the damaged wires.

W anda’s cool fingers moved your own hands away, and with them the pressure on your eyes. You still breathed heavily, a panic attack not far away, but Wanda reassured you.

“Calm down, first, then we’ll continue with the rest of your memories, alright?”

You nodded, relief spreading through your entire body as you returned Wanda’s smile.

“Good, and now, tell me how you met Steve and Bucky.”

“But … you just saw it yourself, right?”

Wanda chuckled. “I just pull your memories out of the deep ends of your mind, Y/N, as if I’d rummage through them.”

You looked at her with wide eyes, recognizing the smile full of mischief on her face.

“Alright,” you said, drawing a deep breath before starting your story. “It was in 1922. I was ten years old, Bucky was fifteen, and Steve had turned fourteen only two days ago. The punk’s birthday is the forth of July, can you believe it? What a coincidence that he, of all people, became Captain America.

“Anyways, I sat on the curb, while my Mom was in some shop, she scolded me later because I got dirt on my dress, and saw this tiny blonde guy in a fight with three other guys. He was terrible. Most of the time he got pushed to the ground and worked to stand up again, while the other guys didn’t had one scratch. And then came Bucky and saved Steve’s ass, and I swore that I’ll keep on fighting just like the blonde guy. The next time I saw them in a fight I went to them and asked the bullies to fuck off. We became friends and -”

You didn’t even noticed as Wanda channeled the red mist once again, eyes glowing as red as yours as it sank into your head, pulling you with it.

  


* * *

  


_It was the three hundred and sixty-first time you awoke in the room. The guard bringing you your food knocked against the door, and pushed the tablet with food at the bottom of your small bed before locking the door again, and walking away._

_It always was the same food, always the same guard, and always the same routine following afterwards. The other guy with the metal arm, a metal arm just like yours, would pick you up, and take you to training. The training was the only thing changing from day to day, but after some time it would repeat. Combat training, tactical training, shooting training, languages, and so on._

_Every few days the scientists would take you to them in their lab, injecting some serum into you. You felt weak directly after those injections, but soon after you felt power flowing through your entire body, every time a little bit more._

_Some times you would see the other guy, they called him Winter Soldier, as well, they would put him in a chair and you had to watch every time as he screamed in pain, his broad chest going up and down heavily as he struggled to get enough air into his lungs. You wondered why they did this to him. The only change you saw after that was the light in his eyes that got switched off. You liked him better when the light was there in his eyes._

_Every two weeks Doctor Zola would visit you. He would always smiled at you, asking how you were feeling and if you think you would be ready for a mission. He never told you for what mission exactly, though._

“ _Good morning, Fräulein.”_

“ _Good morning, Doctor.”_

_Zola smiled. “You’re always so polite.”_

“ _There is no reason for being rude, Doctor.”_

“ _Quite right.” Zola smiled even brighter as you smiled back. “Your hair has grown significantly.”_

“ _I noticed. Is this why I get the injections?”_

“ _You remember how I once told you that we rescued you from those bad people?”_

“ _Yes, Doctor.”_

“ _They were the ones who imprisoned you, cut your hair and damaged your arm so we had to replace it. With the injections, we heal the damage they have done and strengthen your body.”_

“ _Did the bad people also imprisoned Winter and damaged his arm?”_

“ _Yes, they did. That’s why he has the same arm as you.”_

_You nodded in understanding, but then you frowned. “Why does he feel so much pain when he is in the chair?”_

_Zola’s smile wavered for a blink of an eye before he could catch himself. “The bad people gave him wrong memories, and we have to free him from them. Do you understand this?”_

“ _Yes,” you said, and nodded again._

“ _Very good, Fräulein. You are a clever and strong girl.”_

“ _Thank you, Doctor.”_

_He tucked a strand of h/c hair behind your ear, and smiled sweetly at you. You knew which question would come next._

“ _Do you think you are ready, Fräulein?”_

_You gulped. The last time you asked for what Zola did get mad, but you didn’t want him to be mad at you._

“ _Am I allowed to work with Winter together?” you asked instead._

_Zola cocked his head to the side. “Why do you want to work with the Soldier together?”_

“ _He seems lonely,” you answered. “I don’t want him to be lonely, Doctor.”_

_You waited in silence for his answer. Zola seemed to contemplate the pros and cons, but you were sure he would allow you to work with Winter together. Zola liked you, you were a good girl, right?_

“ _Alright, he will accompany you.”_

“ _Thank you, Doctor.”_

“ _I expect your best, Fräulein.”_

“ _I will not disappoint you, Doctor.”_

“ _Of course you won’t.”_

_Altogether you had six missions together with Winter. At the end of the sixth one, as you came back to the base, both you and Winter got rid of your heavy equipment. Only after a while you noticed how Winter had began to stare at you._

“ _Is something wrong?” you asked, but it took some time before Winter even blinked an eye. You had seen the light in his eyes returning already several days ago, but now they seemed to shine like the sun._

“ _Y/N?”_

_You furrowed your brow, having no idea what he was talking about. “What?”_

“ _Y/N! What are_ you _doing here?”_

“ _I don’t know … I don’t know what you are talking about, Winter.”_

_Winter strode over to you with large steps, hands falling on your shoulders._

“ _Y/N, it’s me, Bucky. We have to get out of here, alright?”_

“ _I don’t know any Bucky. Or Y/N for that matter,” you vaguely protested, but let yourself be led by Winter. “What are you doing, Winter?”_

“ _We’re getting out of here, right now, into safety.”_

“ _But we are safe_ right here. _”_

_Winter grabbed for his weapons again, tossing you your own._

“ _I don’t understand,” you continued._

“ _This is HYDRA, Y/N. You will remember, but you need to know that HYDRA is bad, okay? Everything they told you; lies.”_

“ _But why?”_

“ _I’ll explain later. You have to trust me! Do you trust me, Y/N?”_

_You stared at Winter, or Bucky, how he called himself, and the shine in his eyes. You had fought together, and he always had protected you and vice versa. Of course you trusted him, but you didn’t want anything bad to happen._

“ _Winter, I don’t think this is the right thing.”_

_Winter grew panicked. He moved back some strands of his brown hair with a shaking hand. “Y/N, please!”_

_You hastily stepped near Winter, but in the moment you took your third step, the door bursts open and several men came in, weapons trained at you and Winter. Zola stepped in as well._

“ _Agents, take the Soldier to the chair, and finally plant the words in him!”_

_Winter’s eyes had widened in fear, and you knew the shine in them would be soon gone. At the moment the shine was set on you._

“ _Let the weapons fall, Winter,” you said and took the weapons out of his weak hands as he didn’t move a muscle. “Winter, please, otherwise they have a reason to harm you.” You turned to Zola, blocking Winter from him and the agents._

“ _Please, Doctor, Winter does not know what he is saying. Please, do not harm him.”_

_With a motion of his hand, Zola had the agents pushing you away roughly. You weren’t expecting it, therefore you stumbled and fell to your knees right in front of Zola._

“ _Y/N!” Winter cried out, as he got yanked to his feet._

_Zola looked down at you, and for the first time in your life (of what you could remember), you were scared, even though Zola did smile at you, but it looked forced and full of rage._

“ _You did nothing wrong, Fräulein , but you have to understand that the Soldier did something wrong,” Zola crouched down in front of you. “It was because of the things the bad people did to him, so we have to put him in the chair again.” He regained his sweet smile for you and moved to help you to your feet again. _

“ _But he will not be punished?”_

“ _Of course not. Come on now, your guard will bring you to your room, alright?”_

“ _Yes, Doctor, thank you.”_

_As the same man as every day accompanied you back to your room, you had to fight with your tears for the first time as you heard Winter’s screams of pain. They lasted unusual long this time, and after your guard picked up your tray of food, barely touched, you allowed yourself to let the tears fall._

_The next day you got transported to another HYDRA base. You saw Winter for the last time, and the shine in his eyes was gone._

‘ _HYDRA is bad,’ you thought as Winter passed you and didn’t even cast a single glance at you. ‘They tell lies, they are the bad ones.’_

_You remembered those phrases over and over, they were the first thing you thought of when you came out of the Cryostasis Chamber and the last thing when you were put under._

  


* * *

  


Steve stared at Bucky like he had grown a second head.

“What?”

“I want to go back under.”

T’Challa looked back and forth between the two childhood friends, jumping to Steve’s aid as the latter didn’t seem to understand – or rather didn’t want to understand.

“We still work on getting the programming by HYDRA out of Bucky’s head, and unfortunately we still did not make any remarkable progress. We talked about it, and Bucky suggested himself that it would be better, if he would go back into cryogenic sleep until we have found a cure.”

Steve looked he had been slapped with the back of a hand several times. He began to gnaw at his lower lip. “Sure about this?” he asked Bucky.

Bucky nodded.  "I can't trust my own mind. So until they figure out how to get this stuff out of my head, I think going back under is the best thing ... for everybody."

Steve sighed heavily and averted his gaze. “What about Y/N?”

Bucky waited with his answer as one member of the Dora Milaje stepped in, giving T’Challa a sign, he nodded and the woman vanished as fast as she appeared.

“She already knows,” Bucky answered Steve, whose eyes widened.

“She knows?”

“Yes, I talked with her when I first thought about it. I had to promise her to say goodbye properly.”

“I have sent someone to search for her,” T’Challa added, “she should be here any second.”

Always true to his words, T’Challa remained right and you appeared in the door frame promptly, slightly out of breath, your hair, you usually kept up high in a braided ponytail, disheveled.

“Steve, Bucky!”

You stepped in, bowed slightly to T’Challa,  who approached you and left the room afterwards,  with a breathed out “Your Majesty”, and continued your way to your best friend s,  coming to a halt in front of Bucky first, who sat on the examine table, hooked up to an IV.

“You,” you said, still out of breath. “You fell off a train and went missing without asking for permission!”

Bucky stared at you with a shocked expression. “Sorry?”

“You better are!”

Bucky’s gaze wandered to Steve’s, who looked as shock as the former, but that did not hinder you on turning to him.

“And you!” A finger poked into the middle of his chest. “You thought the idea of saving the world by crash-landing a ship into fucking ice was good idea?”

Steve cleared his throat. “Well … um … I did save the world?”

Your glare intensified.

“I mean I’m sorry!”

You nodded furiously. “Yes! Yes, you are!”

It was silent, neither Steve nor Bucky knew what to say. However, you broke the silence quickly.

“I missed you two,” you said, voice low. “I thought I had lost the both of you, thought I would never see my family again.”

“Does this mean you regained your memory?” Bucky asked, leaning slightly forward.

“Yes, yes I did,” you said, tears welling in your eyes. “And I can’t believe we’ll lose you again, Bucky.”

Bucky smiled sadly, the hand of his remaining arm falling down on your shoulder, squeezing it tightly. “It’s only temporarily, alright? I’m still here. Trust me, I won’t go anywhere.”

You snorted, wiping at your eyes.

Steve tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear. “Bucky’s right, Y/N. At least we are together. Even after all these years.”

“Yes, I know,” you said. “I’m just a little bit overwhelmed. So happy to be able to see you all again.”

You smiled at your two favorite people in the world. “Alright, boys, one last hug?”

“Definitely!” Steve pulled you and Bucky against him, wrapping his arms around you and squeezing tightly.

Bucky squeezed tight as well, mumbling a silent, “I’ll kill you if you guys marry without me standing next to Steve at the end of the aisle.”

  


A silent knock on the door of his room made Steve look up from the drawing he currently was working on. He rose to his feet, discarded his utensils on the desk and went to open the door.

You smiled a small smile as he stood before you, newly repaired metal hand rubbing your right upper arm. “Hey there, pretty boy,” you greeted him, making Steve smiled.

“Hey there, gorgeous girl. Want to come in?”

“Don’t have to ask me twice,” you said as Steve made room to let you in, closing the door behind you.

“I wanted to ask if I could spend the night with you.”

A soft pink tinted Steve’s cheeks, but he nodded, so you took his hand and led him to his own bed, flopping down on it and pulling Steve right with you. He laid on his side and you nestled into his front without any hesitation. He wrapped his arms around you loosely, still able to look you into your beautiful e/c eyes.

“Do you remember the night before you shipped off?”

Steve’s blush intensified, but he nodded. “As if I could forget.”

“I’m glad I remember again,” you said, smiling softly. “You were skinnier last time, like, a lot. You’re kinda taller, and more muscles now.”

“Really? Didn’t notice.”

“Don’t sass me, Rogers!”

Steve laughed,  carding a hand through your freed hair. His expression changed, becoming a little bit more serious. “Think I’m still allowed to kiss you?”

“I’ve waited seventy years.”

Steve laid the hand in your hair on the back of your head, moving to connect your lips with his own.

It was just like the kiss you two shared during your last night together. Steve began with a soft peck to your lips, making a shudder go through both of your bodies. You shifted to close the last space between you, the hand of your metal arm you and Steve were lying on  pressed against his back to  pull him against you.  He opened his mouth and pushed his tongue into your own awaiting mouth.

This time the kiss lasted longer, Steve’s body not plagued with asthma. Nevertheless, you both needed to catch your breath at some point, so Steve pulled away and gave one or two last pecks before he nuzzled his face in the crook of your neck. He turned his body, now laying on his back, you on top of him.

“There was a time where I would have crushed you to death.”

“Now it would be otherwise,” Steve retorted. You felt his smile against your skin.

“You exaggerate. I’m still strong as fuck.”

“Language!”

Laughing, you moved to press a kiss on Steve’s cheek, then nuzzled your own face into the crook of his neck. “You look good, Steve. I thought better wasn’t possible.”

“Your turn to exaggerate?”

“No, I mean it,” you said, “not that I didn’t think you were hot before the serum, but the six-pack and muscly arms are an extra. The cherry on the whipped cream.”

A chuckle rumbled through Steve’s chest.

“Did the serum enhanced, um, lower parts, too?”

“Y/N!”

You laughed. “Just kidding! Just kidding! No fondue until  we are  both ready.”

Steve’s face nearly exploded as you made a hint  of the totally awkward conversation he, Peggy, and Howard had when the latter had flown you to the HYDRA base decades ago.

“Y/N, that’s not … you’re ruining the moment.”

You barely forced back the laugh bubbling in your chest. “Sorry. You alright?”

“Yeah, sure.”

You opened your eyes to look at Steve, his blue eyes already staring at you intently. “I know the situation isn’t the best, with Bucky back under and this thing that happened with you and the other Avengers, but I’m so glad we are back together.”

“Me, too,” Steve said, giving your nose a soft peck. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to all those guys leaving kudos and comments! I appreciate everyone of you, and I hope you had as much fun reading as I had writing!
> 
> Find me on tumblr!


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